fed up....

feeling veri fed up over the proj work... got a grp which i feel is rather questionable, tat one isnt tat bad.. the worse thing is the theory covered is rather beyond my current level.. to understand it in a matter of a few days is really very tough, and on top of my own workload plus other commitments.. i am getting totally pissed.... zzz

wat the hell... getting real fed up... *steamy*
argh....

haiz... blessing? or misfortune?

Today is a day filled with unexpected event... haiz... It all started at lab today....

Today's lab was mainly for project --> i.e. we devise our own experiment, carry it out, see thru more or less everything under limited supervision. Well, the group was unexpectedly large... six... but that wasnt the main pt... the main thing was that a group leader need to be appointed and I got appointed... zzzz... i have been trying so hard to reject any major leadership required post and there i got it... well this is nothing much tho, i realise later that i was also shortlisted for LDP(leadership development programme)... i would really like to go.. however, i couldnt find a way to cope even if i do, judging from the fact that i need to stay hall, which means i need to take sufficient CCA to get my points... LDP basically is extremely time consuming and doesnt give any CCA pts.
But a side note abt LDP, it is a programme which aims to develop the leadership potential of individual who managed to get in ( i was shortlisted only, which means even if i tried, i might have been rejected during the interview >.<). The activities range from special electives available mainly to LDP members, mentoring sessions, seminars, outdoor activities, etc....
Honestly speaking, i really wan to try to go for it.. but i wouldnt take the risk as i am very worried currently over my academic status... i might sounds like i am over worrying, which might be true... but i cant help feeling rather unconfident to excel in everything, especially the fact that the Design Stream i am in is generally more demanding than the mainstream (subjective) and that the competitiveness level is much higher... i worry that my results will be bad when pitted against ppl of those calibre.. sigh
but i guess it cant be help, and that i am indeed worrying too much.. since when did i became such a worrier =X

luckily i managed to get quite a bit of consolation from my dear, she pei me out for dinner and i pour out all this junk thots of mine.. felt better after that and at the same time realise that i am worrying a bit too much as more than half the modules i take will be concurrent with the mainstream students and all i have to do is to excel in all these and try to maintain a reasonably good results for the rest of my design subject and my 2nd upper honours is still achievable (haha i dun think i can hit 1st class.. so contented with 2nd upper... =X)

hmm, but seriously, i think i am letting a golden opportunity slip... haiz... i guess life is meant to be liddat... opportunities slip sometimes not due to our indecisiveness or incompetency, rather, it can be becuz situation doesnt allow us to grab it... perhaps i am too conservative... i am not willing to risk everything for this experience... but since i choose to do that, i shd follow through till the end......

1st day of school... haha

Hmm, feels quite happy to go to lessons, haha maybe it is due to the fact that i have been slacking too much... being able to do something that actually feels progressive is good.
Anyway, first week got lecture no tutorial, so quite relax.. (if not for the CCA recruitment fair, i will be even slacker)...
Hmmm.... read this off some notes.. haha apparently to "kill" off the Singaporean students in exam, juz throw them into unchartered waters... guaranteed swift and silent death... it seems we were, and are still taught that mugging is the way to get good results(thinking ability second, mugging first -_-!!)... but does having good results means that we are capable? apparently not... so how?
I heard from more than 1 person (namely my Sociology Professor and my bro [2 diff ppl, >.<]) that we should not sacrifice the quality of our education for the sake of exams, or rather, we should not let exams affect the quality of our education... and.. i agree to that almost totally... however, alot of us know that we still need paper qualification... so how again??
Well, i guess the best way is to do both, i.e. mug and at the same time learn the skills of studying... this is definitely hard, but this is definitely wat i am striving at... however, the next option will be to reduce the mugging part, and emphasize more on life long skills like adapting to new environment, learning things constantly, etc. Well, this may be a bit against normal trend but i believe that it will pay off as you work longer, as such abilities and skills really differentiates u from the rest...
Haiz, guess i am thinking too much, but i really need to change, i have to be more disciplined...
haha meanwhile, i should gear myself to be more open minded, and even more critical abt the world ba...

Limits...

hmm, was listening to the album my dear dear gave me... (FIR de) listen thru a few times and is pondering now... how passionate am i towards my own aims and goals... is the limits i set for myself too conservative... shd i even set limits? sometimes setting limits gimme the feeling that i am indeed limiting my own ability... self restraint is the most powerful restraint i guess...
perhaps i shd let go of everything and give a go this year...

School starting le....

Mixed feelings about school starting... Wonder whether I will be able to cope.. It seems that the stream I have chosen is pretty demanding.. but well... great man wun crack so easily right... so let's hope i am "great" enough to not crack under such pressure ba...
Well, it seems i will be pretty lonely though, i wun be able to join most of my frenz in school ba... even though we are in the same school. But anyway... i have aredi decided on it... so no regrets for now ba... haha
let's hope i can do well ba...
hmm, anyone got any idea how to maintain discipline and go for 0830 lectures??
haha can gimme some tips....? :P

1st post

hmm, I finally decided to start my own little blog... (okok i know it is very late.. but i dun like to let the whole world know what's happening to me ma, however i realise that since i dun talk to every fren i have often, a blog might be useful to tell ppl who are interested what is happening to me lor...) maybe to improve my written expression ba, and perhaps also to "haolian" ba... muahahaha, see how ba...