the feeling of owing money everyday u wake up is not nice at all

TMD... everyday wake up somehow something will remind me... "Oi Ed, u still owe the BANK 20k, and an additional 2k for ur com! and dun forget, u need to give a fraction of ur income to ur mum and dad when u start work.. BETTER WAKE UP UR IDEA!!"

tat kinda feeling is not good.. not good at all.. everyday (ok, not everyday, but most of the days) wake up with tat feeling realli makes me feel lousy.. I tried to ignore it, but everytime i see my bro... tmd... i am reminded of the worst debt i am in... and the f-up environment i am living in... i wun term my parents as money suckers, i would juz say that they are feeling rather insecure.. but then, hey... i cant do anything abt it, can i?

recently feeling more and more emotionally deprived.. and sometime think i shd find someone to look after as well as to look after me, but everytime i tot of that.. i worry of my bleak future.. lol.... dunno shd get into relationship anot.. not to mention so far the relationship i got into, din come out nicely... but then, recently i did get to know someone who is actually nice to talk to.. and seemingly desirable (i definitely dono enuf to judge), however, how can 1 think of getting into a relationship when he/she doesnt even know whether he/she could/should get into 1.. meebe when i sort this out, will i be finally able to determine whether i should give chase anot.. but by then meebe ppl aredi attached (or meebe aredi even attached all along)... haiz.. aiya.. this kinda thing.. dun think so much better....

i think go think abt which IA company to go is more practical... earn more money, get out of this shit.. and life will get better.... i hope....