hypothetical question

character 1 - mother

traits - (negative only, positive one added only if necessary)
1. insecured feeling
2. worries children will not take care of her when they grow up(esp older one)
3. tends to view immediate problems and not long term issues
4. due to insecure feeling, separates herself and her children as 2 different "faction" - where the children faction is constantly out to scam her, and that she needs to fend for herself
5. likes to look down or make comments to bring down the elder son

character 2 - elder brother

traits - (and problem)
1. have a rather bad temper
2. owes a backside of debt
3. under alot of stress from mainly - work, debt, non supportive family, lack of personal space, feels tat he is not recognised and accepted for who he is
4.


character 3 - younger brother -ie. U, in this hypothetical question


situation

elder brother just got into work force no more than 15months, been working at a place where he dun realli like, but cant change cuz of lack of choices (plus he need the income to settle the bank loan for uni education). Trying hard to make his rather limited income counts, namely, church contribution, bank debts, house maintenance (rather forcefully enforced by the mother), self expenditure, and so on. This is already quite stress if not very stress. Added on to this, he could not exactly get any support from family members, except for his younger brother (which is not much of a help, but still better than nothing la). This makes the already almost intolerable life even worse, added on to this, both parents are adding pressure on him and implying tat he dunno how to manage his finances. (doing all this without putting themselves in his shoes). On top of that, the mother constantly make comments to bring down the elder bro self esteem/worth/value, etc.

on the side of the mother, she constantly hear from ppl (mainly aunties and others at her work place) wat their kids and children do, and will only see the better things and not the worse things tat her colleagues tell her. worse of, she (like the father) is not quite capable to differentiating what is a boast, and wat is factual. On top of tat, she had always been told tat the personality (by her ex husband) of the elder bro is the kind who will only take care of himself, etc etc , and this idea somehow got drilled in and she is always more difficult on the elder bro. Further more, as time goes by, the actions of the elder bro seems to confirm this idea of hers, and as a result, she become veri convinced tat she need to start considering her own future. To do this, she demanded maintenance from my bro, using various reasons whch will not be covered. this causes a lot of strain as the elder bro is trying hard to pay off his debt too.plus the attitude of the mum is not tat kind of supportive one u get in tv shows, it is more of those matriachal type, where it is more of a commanding tone.

from the younger bro point of view, he has been trying hard to buffer the impact the 2 of them have on each other for many years, but as he is going home less, he buffers less and less. and as times goes by, the relationship between the mother and the elder bro gets worse and worse. until now, it has escalated to the point whereby the elder bro has almost cracked... in fact he aredi have... and my mum become even more convince that her stand is correct and further refuse to listen. Add to the impression that she have, the impression tat the younger bro is gangin wth the elder bro to get her, she nows doesnt even consult the younger bro on much things. the younger bro now is at a lost, everytime he goes home, he ends up in a middle of a quarrel or after a quarrel. He brought up of having a heart to heart talk between elder bro and mum, but was kinda rejected. Deep down he oso realise tat this kinda heart to heart talk will most likely end up with him and his elder bro giving way to their mum, which will not solve the problem, only temporary put it off.

Apparently the only way to solve this problem is for the mum to take a step back first, if she do this, the stress on the elder bro will decline and he will be less defensive and more likely to give in (esp when u have a supportive family, ur threshold for stress will increase) The main reason why the other way wun work is because the problem is started from the seemingly excessive demand as well the opinion of the mother that the elder son is kinda useless.

Of cuz, this doesnt mean the brother is all correct, his actions are justifiable, but not acceptable. If we do not consider moral values or anything, his actions are infact quite correct, however, when morality sets in, it can be observe tat what he do and think is not exactly correct or desirable. He himself know this, but the stress he is putting up with prevents him from thinking otherwise, and this is veri bad. The younger brother knows if nothing is done, the result will be the same as when the mother and the father divorce.

SO, IF U ARE THE YOUNGER BROTHER, WHAT WILL YOU DO??? WHAT CAN YOU DO???

whew... this is hard....!