Why does it hurt so much even though nothing has ever happened between us?

(This is perhaps the first time I actually plan my entry before writing)

Well, I am feeling very weird now... awful is not exactly a right word.. What I am feeling now is something like... my heart is wrenched, sprinkled with something like disappointment and sadness... Why am I feeling like that? I have never ever in my life experience something that bad, that drastic and that sudden... Why am i feeling so even though we barely know each other for very long?

All I know thus far is that I thought I have found the one... the Miss Right... and as i got to know her better, i am more convinced that is so... but I just realise that she was attached. We had a rather heart to heart talk today... got to know a bit more about her and was happy to be able to have such a chat... sent her home after that, as it was rather late.... was feeling okay all the way until i was on my way back... a sudden rush of pain (not exactly physical) mixed with longing, disappointment and sadness jolt up my being... suddenly feel very lost... I know I am not supposed to be like this, since when did i turn into like this.... apparently not only have i become dull in my senses, i am becoming emotionally weaker as well.. is the constant problems i am facing taking its tolls on me? I do not know, i hope not though..

Anyway, despite feeling so, i promised myself that i will not (and never) become a third party. Maybe it is kinda stupid but i will try my best to help and give objective advice to her so that she can become happier... i have done similar things before, i believe i can do it again... (although previously i wasnt having such an intense emotional experience). Call me stupid, call me anything.. I do what i think is correct, i do what i think i wouldn't regret, i do what i think will be the best course of action for her... I think, I dun feel (as opposed to last time)...

I can't hope for anything right now. Both way is bad for me... I can't possibly hope that they will break up, neither can i hope that they will stay happily together forever. The first one questions the entire system of principles and morals i hold myself accountable to, the 2nd is totally a self damaging and sacrificing kind of mindset. I am no saint, i cant wish the 2nd one like what they do in the movies, all i can do now is let time do its work, let nature takes its course and see what
happens.

Sincerely hope that perhaps there is hope for me, else i really should go become monk le... maybe .. maybe...

sigh.. i have hope to make myself feel better by blogging everything out.. but it seems it didnt... sigh... argh...