My sLeePy bLoG

Re-Reading my blog

2009-12-09T22:01:00.002+08:00

mm, spend the past few hrs reading my previous blogs, haha mixed feelings. It seems that my writing skills seems better last time. And that, I have really gone far from who I was in the fast. Not sure to say I have matured even more or that I have slowly change my thinking to suit the environment I am in.

But whichever the case, I am glad with what has happened to me, be it good or bad, as they have really shaped me to become who I am today, now.

I am... Gundam.. opps.. nope.. i mean.. I am.... sLeePy! :p

Wootz, sLeePy bLoG gets out of the dust yet again

2009-12-09T20:32:00.002+08:00

Well Well Well, It seems where ppl write blogs daily, I do them yearly.. or maybe bi-yearly.. haha

Anyway, kinda feeling damn sianz today, so itchy backside went to find my blog..

Here's a super duper condensed summary of last year happening,

Basically...

I worked for 1year plus.. that's about it.. life still kinda sux... and all the problems I had, are still with me.. just that they have been viewed differently cuz my mindset has also changed kinda dramatically.....

omg, 2years never write blog aredi?

2008-11-01T02:11:00.002+08:00

Hmm, recently tried adding a friend on frienster, and as a result, got reminded of a blog i used to write. Out of curiousity, mainly to confirm if my blog has been deleted, i login to my blog. Surprise surprise, it is still standing strong, albeit a little dusty.

*blows 2years worth of dust off sLeePy bLoG*

Well, been a really long time since i posted, but life have really changed a lot (for the better i hope) over the past couple of years.

To make long story short, basically,

1. I survived the horrible year 3 of mass projects in NTU (imagine doing 7modules in one semester, with 4core modules being project based [taking up 40-60% of total assesment] as well as 1 lab]. Really glad i made it with minimal "damage", both physically and mentally.

2. Finished IA, both good and bad things happened, but all in all, a good experience and exposure to have. Learn alot about the finer things in life, as well as the softer skills which are about as important as the hard skill one has.

3. Clear final year of uni life with decent results. Surprisingly, my final year results are slighty better than my usual. Probably becuz most ppl are overly engross with their FYPs. Anyway, my fyp is pretty jialat too, basically, it is to design and fabricate an automated water chestnut peeler.
It basically involves everything related to its design, including mechanical, electronics, automation and some programming. And frankly speaking, i really dono how i managed to pull that one off. Haha, i must been really lucky :p

4. Convocation, graduation, end of uni life! :p.. luckily for me, i got what i aimed for in uni, so was pretty please with my overall grades. The only "black" mark is that my FYP fall short of my expectation. Did not expect to get merely a B+ =(. But overall, everything is still pretty good and worth celebrating.

5. Started looking for job, a bit stressed over bills and my financial "well being" after i sat down and did my sums. Read several books, including but not limited to, a series of Robert Kiyosaki (in case u dun know, he is the chap that wrote the rich dad poor dad series of books) books, online articles on financial planning, talks and such for financial planning as well. Subsequently, i came out with a short term and a mid term plan. It dawn upon me that i need a job asap....

6. Got a job, started working. As of now, i have work close to 2 months already. Life seems reasonably good, and seems worth to be optimistic about (despite the recent financial downturn). However, anything can go wrong and it is probably best to be at least partially ready for it.

mmm updates for the pass few days

2007-01-06T19:38:00.000+08:00

let's see.. shall start with new year day, since this is the day when i started to feel lonely =P

1st January - HAPPY NEW YEAR

nothing eventful, juz another new year day for me, think i stayed in hall did nothing except planning what to do.. or ya, took a walk to north spine to see if the offices are open.. too bad they didnt, so went back hall.. Did area cleaning, ya ya i noe it sounds army-like, for my room and clear up loads of dust.. heh.. and got one white cats with grey patches came to eat my biscuits.. dun realli like this cat tho, got that kinda kiam pa attitude..

2nd January - Sneezing day~

well, started sneezing like mad today.. and like my dear say.. started selling wanton.. walked to north spine to check if the offices are open (too that i can help my dear settle some admin matters) but too bad, they are closed. Irony is that i didnt even know it was a public holiday.. guess the walk and the sun make me a bit worse.. but nonetheless went back hall and spend the rest of the day deciding wat to do for the holiday...

was also reviewing the various plans in stars and student link to ensure the following day's registration will go smoothly.. well, think i am even more worried den registering for my own subjects.. haha, well ended up slping arnd 2+ or 3+.. i think

3rd January - Subject registration day, but not mine.. haha

mm, woke up early today, arnd 8+, cuz initially meeting my dear's fren at 930 to pass her so documents so tat she can settle the admin stuff while i return hall to register subjects. haha ended up meeting at 10 cuz of some erm... "technical" issue.. (haha she said she will be slightly late.. lalala).. met her, pass her the stuff and got some food (mac donalds i think), heh and went back hall to eat and wait for 11am.. *ie, subject registration timing, haha to my delight, it all went smoothly. with juz a click i am done.. haha and an interesting event happened too.. i was abt to sms shuzhen to tell her the issue, half way thru the sms, she called me, and told me her reg oso went well.. haha so issue solved.. everyone happie, and i can get my well-deserved rest..

din slp immediately tho, tried to play game to tahan until night time, unfortunately i fell aslp at ard 7+ and woke up arnd 9+ and then 11+... woke up realise jialat, and also feeling quite sickly, but since i cant get to slp again, i woke up, wipe my face and went to play a bit of game.. went to bed arnd 2+ and think i tossed and turn in bed till ard... 3+ den slp

4th January - Sicky Ed back in action

woke up feeling weak, miserable and feverish.. a fraction is due to the fact i am missin someone veri much.. on the other hand i realli am sick.. haha been selling and making wantons more and more.. to the fact that i ran out of tissue.. (almost...) played game whole day [oh did went to get food and stuff.. so no worries] and drank alot of water.. unfortunately, my condition didnt get any better.. my head was throbbing and i had difficulty to slp at nite.. toss and turn and turn and toss for wat seemed like eternity until slp blissfully took me away..

oh ya, was rather excited as my bro told me (after i ask him to keep a lookout for me) that there is a letter, which i am expecting, for me.. haha

5th January - IA talk,

woke up quite early and felt slightly better... the headache is gone, feverish feeling still there, but not tat bad anymore.. nose still block.. wantons still in making.. haha but went for talk and met some of my design stream frenz and chat and even "bitch" a bit abt the results.. ahha. The ia talk is downright boring and almost of no practical use (okok i am exaggerating, juz that alot of info stated are either common sense or that i have hear it from my frenz and seniors), after which, i went home with zhiwei and talk a bit on the way.. haha parted and jurong east as he is going north while i continue to my home... reached home to find no one except my 5 cats greeting me.. haha okok, onli 2 bothered to open their mouth to call me.. namely "prince" ah cheng and the "er bao" or watever the name my mum or bro calls.. haha

too bad for them, i wasnt feeling well and i was in a hurry to go back hall to check fyp results for my dear.. i onli took the letter from my dear and return some cds to my bro... The letter, to my surprise was sent b4 my dear left and i realli appreciate the thoughts and notions.. it made me feel a bit better from my illness and make my heart feel significantly better..

haha on my way i stop by the senior citizen corner and had 2 fast game of chess, think i thrashed tat guy in less than 10mins for both games.. and decided to left as they are leaving and i aint feeling well... on my way back hall, i stop at JP and got myself some anti-cold herbal tea, so luo han guo drink and some chrysanthemum tea from the herbal shop (hock hua tonics, i think). heh heh also bought 3 packets of seaweeds. yum yum..

spend the rest of the day planning a bit on my IA, some soul searching and some thinking.. i somehow feel a bit glad to be down with the flu.. the constant wanton making and selling and the blocked nose make me understand wat my dear and my mum is constantly going thru.. despite the fact i aredi can feel how they felt and noe how to understand their "pain", this illness makes me rethink and remind myself how she felt and makes me think if i am to have this kinda prob everyday how i will react.. heh.. so perhaps its not so bad to be sick after all >.<..

6th January - Saturday!

Woke up a bit late today.. and to my dismay, i missed my dear who went online by juz 20mins.. and the prob is tat i was aredi awake that time, juz tat i chose to laze in my bed cuz i wasnt feeling too well.. feel damn sianz when i realise tat.. sigh... eat a few hotdog rolls and the spicy seaweed and started playing game.. until arnd 5+, feeling a bit weak from hunger, decided to go to JP to get some food... met a fren there, chat a bit on the upcoming inter hall cchess compy.. and i went on to buy my stuff... In the end, after racking my brain and walking arnd jp 2times, i settle for mos burger, cuz it is the least queued food.. damn.. jp realli has nothing that can tickle and trigger my appetite.. got some kaikage burger, a spicy chilli dog (which is quite nice, surprisingly), fries and coke.. also got 2 packet of seaweed and 2 bottles of luo han guo drink... heh... think gonna play a bit of game later.. and meebe meeting ks for supper.. sigh.. cant wait for my dear to come back..

-worries-
recently worrying a bit abt my lodging from next year on, hopefully i can get the single room i am living now back, but it is unlikely so.. and in the event of getting a double room.. i doubt i can find a desirable roomie.. and i was thinkin of renting a room outside, but it will cost at least twice as much and the privacy level is still veri low.. thought of renting an apartment with frenz, but since the hall allocation is not cfm yet, we cant realli plan on that either...

another worry is actually not a worry, juz that i am feeling sianz abt it.. cuz from wat i noe, i am having cchess compy on monday tues and wed, and my dear is coming back on mon (and not sun which i initially tot.. =(.... ) and as such i believe i wun be able to see my dear until wed or even thurs.. sigh.. thinking of this makes my heart even a bit heavier.. =(

but there is nothing much i can do either.. so.. too bad for me.. hopefullythe cchess date will be changed so tat i can see my dear earlier =) [i heard of rumors that says the date might be changed, hopefully they are true...]

heh, that's it.. wow.. kinda long.. and lots of narrating.. kinda boring to read unless u are interested in wat's happening to me.. ahaha, but like i care.. yeah.. signing off le..
take care u guys out there.. HAPPY BELATED XMAS AND NEW YEAR =X and HAPPY BE-EARLY CHINESE NEW YEAR! la la la

results... sux.. one word.. SUCKS

2006-12-28T13:48:00.000+08:00

ok, my results sux....
MP3004 - B
MP3005 - C+
MP3010 - B+
MP3071 - B+
MP3104 - B+
GE808 - B+

not the worse.. but cld b better.. cant believe i blog over results. will b back to blog another time... :P

laziness self multplies

2006-11-29T02:28:00.000+08:00

haha well juz wanna say, once a person starts to slack, it will propel itself forth and make the person even slacker.. whether at work, in school, even at play, such things is evident. For example, the moment u decided to slacken down discpline on ur self, most probably u wun tighthen the discipline ever again, even if u do so, it wun be as strict as b4. For me, it really takes a lot for me to blog.. haha i am quite lazy by nature and i am lazy to think abt wat i write and to edit for grammatical, spelling and other errors. Even logging in and starting to crap also can be quite draining for me, altho unlike alot of my frenz and even brother, i am no avid blogger, neither do i put in alot of effort to make it veri attractive or whatsoever, to me, a blog is more like an online diary WHICH I WAN PPL TO SEE, OR WHICH I DUN MIND PPL SEEING, haha... and seriously, i dun care whether anyone does read it or not, tat's y i seriously dun realli care abt its tenses, language, vocabulary, structure, grammer, etc etc.. if i can understand, i realli dun give a !%@.. haha

My Secondary School

2006-11-29T02:08:00.003+08:00

Went back home on Sunday, after dinner with my mum, had a stroll on my own and somehow walked to my old secondary school, Ghim Moh Secondary School. I missed the gathering the day b4 as i was quite sick.. and i kinda regretted it.. As i was walking outside the school, i notice many differences and similarity from last time. Firstly, the "front gate" that we used to use is no longer used, it is locked at put there, a side gate has been build and this has become the main functional gate, or so i perceive. There are other small changes but overall, from wat i can see from the outside, the place remain almost the same. Looking thru the "front" gate into the school, looking at the basket ball court, the bookshop, the multipurpose court, the hall, the class room, the labs, the staff offices, and even the school attendant's "house", waves of memories flood me and an extremely nostalgic feeling almost overwhlem me, i went around and look into the school from another spot. This time it is along the road extending into Raffle's Junior College, from there i could see the technical lab, the porch/foyer, the assembly ground, the soccer field, and even the chin up bar, where even more memories started to come back.. i cld almost say that almost all of my sec sch life was pretty good.. other than the fact that i din managed to get the girl i like, life was pretty much wonderful. I have one of the best of grades, have lotsa frenz, could play soccer, basketball, chess, even magic card with my frenz as and when i like it.. even go to my frenz house to chill out, etc.. life was wonderful back then.. haha...

well after that i walk over to my pri school, altho memories fills me again, this time it wasnt as intense, i guess pri school memories is more like a child hood memory, most distant and more vague.. but all in all.. this little stroll i took, served to remind me to cherish wat i have, wat i have which seems will be there forever might not be so after all.. juz like my sec school, which will be "mergin" and relocated to be known as Clementi Woods secondary school if memory didnt fail me.... sigh...

wish list?

2006-11-29T02:08:00.002+08:00

my personal wish list currently

1. Neverwinter Nights 2 - cost $59.90
2. Razor Krait, or any similar cheap gaming mouse, approx 40bucks?
3. a mountable fan

but recently not having money to buy ba...
need to save up for my dear's bdae.. also need to save up for clothes that i most likely need to buy for IA... need to save up for phantom of the opera too... so.. bb to my wishlist.. have to wait until at least february.. argh...

mouse died...

2006-11-29T02:08:00.001+08:00

duh... my logitec G1 mouse juz gimme the last straw i could took yesterday.. it started abt a week ago, where its scroll started going crazy.. started to either (i) scroll up and down repetitively without any user input (ii) refuse to move at all when user does input command... it caused days of frustration, dizziness and even headache.. cuz was reading notes on screen and u can imagine my eyes moving up and down when the mouse "auto" scrolls...
well from Sunday onwards, the scrolling problem kinda subsided, partially due to the fact i open up the mouse and did some minor maintenance, partially due to the "melee" punishment i give the mouse.. ie.. bang it.. however, when with one prob gone, the other comes, now the left click become semi functional.. i.e. it doesnt register a left click everytime u click, and if u click and hold and drag, it will give way halfway (sounds funny, give WAY halfWAY, lol)
that's it.. with this kinda mouse, i cant play chess, i cant play game and i will frustrate myself further this.. end up.. i had to switch back to the semi faulty Acer mouse i have.. first time use logitec mouse, haven hit 1 year, mati aredi.. and first time i have to dump a mouse not due to the mouse feet getting wear off or watever..

damn the s2pid claim of dono how many million clicks we can use on the mouse.. i confirm haven even click up to 1000k times.. assume i use it for 1 year, 200days (severe overestimate as i use it at mouse for half a year, bought it last sem if i din remember wrongly), assume 10click/min, 6hrs use per day, total = 10 x 6 x 60 = 3600clicks, total clicks = 720000clicks.. not even 1million.. zzz pwee. gonna buy razor krait when i am free.. but duh.. i am low on cash this couple of months.. sad case..

on exams

2006-11-29T02:08:00.000+08:00

can onli say this time exam jialat aredi.. hopefully dun screw up too badly, if not i can kiss my 2nd upper good bye.. but nonetheless, need to prepare myself for IA, so i should not brood too much.. let's hope.. hope tat can get 2As and 2Bs and PE watever grade oso okie...
haha hope hope...

long time never update

2006-11-29T02:06:00.000+08:00

well long time never update my blog, but exam ma, so not much time... exam finished last friday.. but was slacking and resting away.. and of cuz, was quite sick.. so din do much.. heh.. will be inputting a few entries this time.. cuz some interesting things, to me at least, did happen and i will try to pen down as much as i can remember

DUH DUH

2006-11-13T22:39:00.000+08:00

with respect to my last post, and with awareness of how much time i have and how much i have studied.. i am reluctant to say tat the expectation in my previous post is kinda a super high end..
this sem can get average B+ considered very good le, considering i wun be able to finish studying for any single module, and considering the fact that even if i do, i wun have time to do pass year paper at all..
and seriously, i need to have avg B+ for me to be still within the "imaginary" 2nd upper range.. die die..

*pray pray* i get good results >.<

happy

2006-10-27T00:01:00.001+08:00

hehe today, actually ytd, my dear dear did/say something which makes me feel super duper happy, not gonna say wat it is.. but juz happy.. heh.. really, recently life become so much more tolerable and in fact enjoyable because of her =X, realli wish tat exams end faster, den can have more free time... and pei my dear more =x.. and of cuz, she pei me too =x..

but then again, worried for her studies, juz as i worried for mine, in fact sometimes worry more for her, cuz her burden is much heavier den mine.. >.<... but nothing much i can do except try to be as supportive as possible ba.. and meebe help a bit here and there.. pray that she can clear all her modules =) as for me, think i wun fail, but guess i wun get all As, oh, not guess.. it's definite.. dun tell me tat i am pessimistic, cuz it IS impossible... haha i am juz being realistic, not pessimistic.. b4 anyone wanna criticise, i tell u all the situation.. my core modules... 3 out of 4 is project based.. 2 of which is 50% project 50% exam, another one is 30% project, i think assignment 20%, final exam 50%.. the onli mugging module is the onli one which i hope i can get A.. and lab also have another 2 "project" which means, i have 5projects for this sem.. -_- so u understand now ya?

yaya, i noe i am nagging, but hey, it's my blog okie.. so too bad... *roll eyes* =P bu shuang ah, leave a comment and shoot me la... >.<

recent updates

2006-10-27T00:01:00.000+08:00

haven been bloggin much, was extremely busy and sick recently...

due to the "wonderful" weather that was arnd, i was made sickly and rather weak the the past entire week or so.. as a result.. work efficiency was super low.. my aredi jialat project was made worse by my condition... as a result.. now really working super hard to try to finish it.. imagine i left CAD lab at 11pm today.. =_=...

on the other hand, thx to all these projects.. din study much for all my quizzes.. my 2004 quiz din realli study much, luckily got 73.3% which is slightly better than the average.. i wasnt expecting anythign much so this is considered good... today had my socio quiz. think going to die jialat jialat.. haiz.. but dun think will fail tho.. think at most can get B+ for that modules...

so let's see.. lemme speculate the kinda results i can hope to get..

MP3004 - B+
MP3005 - B-
MP3010 - B+
MP3071 - B+
MP3104 - A
GE808 - B+

it is perhaps an optimistic estimation, but i hope i can get A for 3004 and 3010 also.. but quite hard.. =''(

simple things makes me smile..

2006-10-15T23:07:00.000+08:00

heh.. i am so blur.. my dear dear put a note in my bag for so long and i din realise it.. and i had to wait for her to tell me b4 i realise it *conk my own head*, but den read le really make me float.. (ok la, never float la, juz happy).. and hor... the little little things that she do and tell me realli makes me happy... hehe dono she noe anot. =P =P

hmm, quite disturbed...

2006-10-14T14:32:00.000+08:00

i wonder if it is normal for me to feel disturbed, despite reassurance + my confidence, i still cant help but feel uneasy when this kinda things (when a certain 2nd person decide to meet a certain 3rd person) happen... i questioned myself why.. i still feel tat i am disturbed becuz of the potential for damage caused by the 3rd person rather than the 2nd person.... however, i ask myself why would i feel disturbed by him and not other guys? i have absolutely no idea.. but then again, shd not say too much abt this ba.. meebe shd revert to last time that kind of "i noe but i dun say" attitude for some issues... i noe this might not be good, but then again, saying everything out too quickly sometimes isnt good either.. mmm... duh.. dono why i am blogging this out.. altho it does feel a lil bit better to blabbler out stuff liddat.. (juz a little better tho) sigh...

*longing for a hug*

haha... =P

failure is being successful in the things that don't matter.?

2006-10-13T01:38:00.000+08:00

haha read tat of the msn nick of one of my jc fren... think tat is an interesting way of looking at things..

perhaps instead of saying failure is being successful in the things that don't matter, we shd say it in a more optimistic way... success is being successful in the things that truly matter.. haha

well... either way, tat phrase tells us, me especially, that u cant excel in everything, and u cant concentrate and do ur best in everything too, so perhaps u shd gauge which is the most impt ones and do ur best.. (i noe this way of looking at things is kinda open to criticism, but hey, tat's y i wrote lidat.. it is to provoke some thinking in u readers okie.. hahaha)

bleh. i am so tired.. juz finished editting my mp3004 report.. did abt 3+2hrs of CAD stuff.. 3.5hrs of chess training.. i am dead beat.. not to mention i have had some veri interesting "extra curricular activities" in the morning today.. *notti grinz*

damnit.. got rubbish grade for socio quiz 1

2006-10-11T16:21:00.000+08:00

got a B lor.. altho i never study for it.. but a B is quite bad.... anyway.. i hate MCQ quizzes.. and there is another one lor... why.. final exam oso have MCQ... WAT THE HELL.... simi SAI..... SOCIOLOGY HOW TO USE MCQ TO ASSESS STUDENT... SIMI SAI SIMI SAI SIMI SAI!!!

yippee, got into my IA intervieiwing company

2006-10-11T16:10:00.000+08:00

Yup, i was one of the last to go for interview, so worried i wasnt even shortlisted, but yup.. i am selected to go for the company of my choice, Applera...

i admit the pay/allowance is kinda pathetic, esp for an interviewing company, but.. it is the project and the process that interest me in the first place.. heh..

below is the specified scope of the project and stuff tat i will be handling.. heh..

Scope :
Review and understand customer requirements. Define the system specifications basing on customer requirements. System conceptual design. Perform design analysis. Sub-system level and component level detailed design & drafting, including material selection. Manage the components fabrication and system assembly by working closely with vendors & suppliers. Perform functional testing and evaluation. Release the system for production use. This project is a mini product development cycle starting from voice of customer, conceptual design to product launch. Student will have hands-on experience through the different stages of the product development cycle.

stresss eh.. but think can learn alot of valuable stuff which i will need next time... good luck to myself eh~

on changes..

2006-10-11T16:03:00.000+08:00

human resist change, whether good or bad... cuz most human dislike uncertainty, and prefer to live in their comfort zone.

How much should we resist change? To change too easily is not good, neither is being too stubborn. Change too easily and you lose ur own guiding principle and even morality, too stubborn will juz prevent u from maximising your potential... how wat will it be?

suddenly having this thought becuz i realise i too change alot over the past couple of months.. and was surprised and kinda disturbed by it.. always thought i am one who doesnt change easily as i have firm belief in things.. but on talking out with my dear and some analysison my own, it does seems my change is a change for the better perhaps... and on my own part, i never regret doing the things i did nor the changes i embraced.. so perhaps.. the change is indeed good... it is the disturbed feeling tat spur me to write all these...

i understand those stuff above are rather messy, as i din organise my thot when writing this entry, juz write wat i think.. so u might have some difficulty trying to understand... heh sorrie abt it eh.. la la la

time to go do some serious chionging , mugging and pia-ing of project..

hmm things are finally settling down a bit

2006-10-11T15:51:00.000+08:00

well, recently couple of months have been rather jialat.. been stressed with alot of matters, family, relationship, work, etc.. but quite relieved that all the worst part are over... family stuff getting better... me and inky.. heh.. getting better oso.. onli issue left is work...

oh my gosh, ytd planned out the exam revision schedule and project deadline thingy, realise i realli might not have enuf time to finish all my revision and my projects.. most are okie, but the CAD project... jialat... now super duper slow.. today tmr gonna camp at CAD lab until 11pm le.. T_T

somemore, this 2 days wun see my dear dear... ah... but at least Fri will see her la.. heh.. so veri anticipating Fridays =x... meanwhile, muz focus and enter "super chiong" mode, suddenly into relationship again, muz be more careful with time management.. cannot be like last time single liddat.. free and easy, slacking all the way.. lalala...

hmm new skin...i mean blogskin

2006-10-09T23:30:00.000+08:00

thx Jennifer for the new blog skin.. altho i prefers a darker colour theme.. but this is veri nice le.. thx a bunch~

Happy~ =) =) =)

2006-10-05T09:07:00.000+08:00

Been a long time since i last felt so happy... really veri long le... ytd.. she finally agreed! =)
duh~ cant stop smiling to myself >.< but really veri happy that all the heartaches and worries and watever finally "paid" off, altho i never dare to hope for anything, realli veri exhilarated tat things turn out like this..

(supposed to freeze blog for the time being de, but this event is realli so impt tat i wanna tell everyone =x)

hmm, but then, now that most important and pressing issue has settle down a bit.. it's time i settle my other academic based problems... mm, can foresee more challenges ahead.. guess i will be fine tho.. hee~

blog freeze for the time being

2006-10-03T01:39:00.000+08:00

well, my blog will be on hold for the moment until things arnd me settle down a bit...

first and foremost, the most impt thing for me is the waiting of someone special, precious and veri important to me... yup.. i will wait as long as it takes... (hopefully not too long.. cuz veri painful de..)

2nd and also impt is tat. i need to get out of the mess i got myself into recently... becuz of the relationship issue i had, i am now severely lagging in all my projects as well as so of my personal readings.. need to chiong back asap.. if not as time goes by, it will become increasing straining for me to find time to do things i like...

will feature my blog on msn when it is up and running again.. heh

a note to a fren... whom i believe frequents my blog..

2006-09-27T18:14:00.000+08:00

well, i believe u tell me abt ur current issues on a guy and his gf and u...

wat i really want to say is.. sometimes it is good to step back and let them have a chance to flourish.. but u have to consider.. is this the best way out? of cuz u might say yes if they worked out.. but have u considered.. wat if u 2 can work out as well? the chance of them working out is as good as the chance of the 2 of u working out.. (i mean there might be some difference but it doesnt realli matter) if tat is the case why put urself outside the picture.. will u feel happy if by letting the 2 of them together u end up hurting him more cuz of the increasing problems the rs brings him? will u regret u din do wat u wanted to do initially? well i had experience b4.. and tho i do not want to say my experience is absolute, wat i wan to say is that, becuz there is no absolute things in an rs.. u shd not assume anything...

i wanted to touch on the most sensitive topic.. tat is.. i believe there is no such things as selfishness in wanting to be with the guy u like... if u think by letting him go back to his ex (or gf, or watever) is a selfless action, i agree.. but i feel tat it is more stupid than selfless... emotions and love related stuff sometimes shd not be analysed so systematically (altho i do tat)... for me, i analyse them systematically, but i do not use systematic ways to decide my actions.. and to me, analysing systematically helps me to get a balance between being too rational and being too emotional...

anyway.. i juz wan u to noe there is nothign wrong in trying to get to know him better and let him noe u better and let him noe (for certain, not by guessing) that u likes him... if u still persist in ur own thinking, well at least do the above stuff to give him a chance to noe wat are the choices he has... i told u b4.. guessing someone likes u and knowing someone likes u are veri different.. it also affects how u make decisions.. some guys, not all, are afraid of rejection.. and as a result, there might be a possibility tat if he dunno ur feelings for him, he might take it u are not interested in him at all (juz to be safe) and remain in his comfort zone.

And b4 u start to think abt "as long as he is happy", u better stop.. there is nothing tat shows he will be happier or wat.. unless u are veri sure he WILL be happier if he chooses someting, else.. dun assume... well i can go on and on and on, but the more i say, the more i am proned to get shoot.. so i better stop here... u shd think abt it too...

心烦也好，不烦也好，无论如何， things still needs to be done...

2006-09-27T18:01:00.000+08:00

hmm, 心情始终不怎么好，但是，心烦，心痛， etc, 都好，如果我不认真做我因做的是。。。我会越来越糟。。问题也会越来越多。。。

anyway, i shd try to separate and segregate my feelings and my work.. i mean, nowadays, everyday i wake up with a rather heavy heart.. tat's y i seldom get to rest very well... but at least everyday i wake up i noe i am doing the right thing... so i dun need to worry abt regretting later abt not doing things when i shd be doing... but still... i realli hope things will work out soon (and in a way i hope it is to be) as the longer this goes, the more damage it does to everyone...

recently havent have much mood to do my work, lucky for me, this sem work mostly involve project work.. and not those tat need to study alot.. i mean, yes, i am laggin in terms of lectures but it isnt as bad as last time... but i feel a bit bad recently as my input for project has decreased significantly..

well, i dun mean i am not doing anything, in fact my performance i believe is still acceptable, juz nothing to write home about.

mmm moral of the story? sometimes in order to do the things u consider is right, u have to sacrifice alot.. even at the cost of losing everything in the end... well, i have considered this, and have willingly jump into the "pit"... i dun wan to regret again.. i dun wan to see someone i love suffer and i dun wan to be passive like last time anymore...

read somewhere... think is with regards to the Hitler movie... "Evil truimphs becuz the Good does nothing about it...“（or something similar)

Apathy leads to a lot of problems... i always loathe ppl who are apathetic, but i realise, i am the same sometimes... and in those veri impt issues.. so yup.. i am not gg to be liddat anymore... sometimes not doing anything is as bad as (if not worse) than doing the wrong things...

interesting stuff on cows and economics.. haha

2006-09-27T17:53:00.000+08:00

well came across this from my bro's blog, which i believe was from Sarong Party Girl's blog (at http://www.missizzy.org/). Heh sorry i dono how to link post....

anyway, here's how it goes...

********

SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away…
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.
IRAQI CORPORATION:
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the shit out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy….
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank. Then you execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder. He sells the rights to all 7 cows’ milk back to the listed company, and proceeds from the sale are deferred. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad.
NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
SINGAPOREAN CIVIL SERVICE:
You have two cows. You scold each one everyday before and after milking. You teach one of them to scold the other. You instruct them to moo only on command.
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

********

yeah... in case anyone is interested.. ya. i still feeling quite unstable oso..the kinda feeling i am having is veri weird, veri rojak.. veri messy and veri luan..

>.<

to be a pillar of support..

2006-09-26T17:59:00.000+08:00

hmm, was starting to feel better today, actually ytd nite.. appetite slowly coming back to me... this is perhaps because of the recent turn of events.. well, i am feeling happy yet very worried now... happy becuz things turn out to be something i have wished for.. but worried now for her as she is now going thru an extremely stressful period... it is like as the stress on me slowly alleviate and dissipate, hers increases quickly... I must do my best now, i mus and will be there for her when she need it, especially i think now.. as things are veri ... volatile now.. i wan to buffer and cushion as much as possible the hardship she is undoubtedly experiencing now and in the future.. and realise the wish of making her as happy as possible...

我心意已决。。。拖泥带水只会带来更多的痛苦给心爱的人和自己而已。。

2006-09-25T00:01:00.000+08:00

yes yes, i noe i am long winded.. and i take super damn long to come up with a decision so simple tat everyone will laff their heads off.... duh...

anyway, this time, it is no longer anyone's point of view or advice, this has become MY point of view, my decision for this situation... i will not 优柔寡断，犹豫不决，anymore.. certain things cannot and shd not wait.. i always thought waiting for things to follow it's natural course is the best case.. but after so much thinking.. i think, this time it shd not be the case... the longer i remain indecisive, the more damage is created.. and i think the more suffering i am creating for the girl... so rather than decide whether i shd go on anot and wait for things to happen, i decided tat i shd go on and do my best to create the best possible scenario to make her as happy as possible... and also to show watever support i could ... as well as to show wat i am actually capable of doing...

perhaps sometimes in order to make someone happy, one needs to be a bad person for the greater good to be achieved... so i intend to be the bad person.. and i sincerely hope tat my judgement is correct... and tat the final good tat is achieved will be well worth the sacrifices...

despite saying all this, it onli shows tat i am veri firm in my resolve, but in terms of carrying out.. it is another issue... no choice.. everything have to depend on my 感觉。。。 hope my intuition is as good as b4...

confused?

2006-09-24T16:07:00.000+08:00

hmm, actually these few days i keep saying tat i am feeling weird.. this is juz a convenient way of saying it.. actually i am feeling rather confused and kinda having the 进退两难 feeling。。。

well confused as in i dunno how i am to look at the issue now.. and since i cannot rightly say wat kinda rs i am in now.. i cannot decide what i could and should do.. on the other hand, sometimes i question whether wat i am doing is enuf, and at the other hand.. am i overdoing it? haiz.. dun realli know.. and i really quite troubled by it.. -_-... this is bad.. veri bad.. worry by not doing anything, chance of a lifetime (okok, meebe abit exaggerated) will slip away.. do too much scared later create too much stress and trouble on the girl... argh...

and there is still the prob of my recent poor appetite issue.. i realli need to resolve that.. i can feel i am getting a bit weaker these days.. it's true i do see some of the fats arnd my tummy and butt starting to reduce abit.. but.. that's not the way to slim down.. and i din do tat to slim down.. guess perhaps i shd visit a doc one of these days to get some 开胃药 or something.. and perhaps it is matters of the heart tat is causing me this.. who noes..? i dono... mmm

this is... some 难以形容地感觉。。。 haiz.....

so tired (part 2)

2006-09-20T08:45:00.000+08:00

kaoz.. ytd veri tired when come back from jp... dunno why.... talk talk talk end up nt tat tired.. end up.... CANNOT SLEEP... wah piang.. is those kind of loss of slp tat i get during exams lor... wa lau... this is too much... argh... how am i going to finish 2004 today! >.<... ok no finish, no buy fone...!

so tired...

2006-09-19T22:28:00.000+08:00

hmm today dono why super tired... monring 0930 met my fren at design office 2 discuss 1 of my project.. discuss until arnd 11 liddat, went library K my mp3104 from 11+ till 4+, den went for lecture, wanted to go there slack, end up see my fren txtbook, den read it thru the lect.. den after tat lect, went to library K my mp3104 again, until 6+.. den met KS at JP for dinner...

initially wanna buy 6280 de, handphone i mean, but ks say old model.. haha plus i need to go hello shop change my ione plus to student ioneplus, end up never buy =(... den saw the mp3 players.. most quite chui.. and quite exp... haha... now dono how le..

and i think recently something wrong with me.. my appetite has been extremely bad... 1 day 1 meal oso not much kick.. and these few days.. haven been getting veri energising slp.. it is like... i slp for 6-7hrs, but i woke up still feel like never slp liddat.. haiz.. think if this goes on muz see doctor le.. but...

心病只有心药医？

哈哈我也不知道要怎么办了。。。

顺其自然就好。。。

2006-09-18T19:21:00.000+08:00

hmmm think so much end up like never think liddat.. my final verdict

顺其自然，随机应变。。。
and keep the options for such development open...

heh.. veri rubbish hor, haha..

but i realli veri drained.. family.. studies.. and even now love.. and of cuz.. financial issues.. liddat.. i am realli asking to die earlier.. but think at least ok la.. i feeling i am feeling more normal these few days.. altho i realli do hope something nice will happen in my life.. haha

连我的老爸都叫我敢敢去追。。。

2006-09-17T20:26:00.000+08:00

hmm, juz now had dinner with my dad and bro.. sort of told him my prob... to my surprise, his reaction almost similar to KS... and alot of my frenz..

oh, i was referring to the issue where i like a girl who is attached... well, his pt of view, as with many is that, as long as i dun resort to underhand means like defaming and stuff liddat... going after an attached girl is actually okie.. in fact, to some extend, it actually benefits the girl. He listed out tat especially when there is something wrong with their relationship (which will always be present), being a "3rd" party is actually some sort of a choice for the girl to choose. In an even more weird angle, (as ks and some frenz said too) u might actually be helping her by starting an rs and ending the previous one ... well.. there are more, but wat they say is obvious enuf.. juz go for it.. all is fair in love and war eh...

but despite so.. i still have my own reservations.... i will give it due thoughts tonite and decide my course of action... but actually i think nothing much to think la, even now i am actually trying to get to noe her better and getting closer to her.. so in another way, wat is there to decide? but i still can't bear the thought of being the catalyst for ppl breaking up.. in some way, u can say i am actually pitying my enemies, i worried abt the guy oso..

objectively speaking, i need to noe the actual situation b4 i can decide wat to do.. if i think (objectively) tat i can do better (altho this is super duper hard to judge)... den.. perhaps i will go after her ba... perhaps..

被一阵心寒的风叫醒。。。

2006-09-17T12:30:00.000+08:00

所谓日有所思，夜有所梦。。。看样子我一定也是如此。。。今天一大清早就被一个梦叫醒，梦的内容我不想在提，可是可想而知，一定是有关我最近心烦的事情。。

嗨。。。为何我如此不争气呢。。。? 我看，如果在这样下去，我早晚崩溃。。。可是我也有点无法自拔。。。该如何是好呢？？

(wah cannot take it... 4 lines of chinese i take like... 5mins to write.. -_-)

我已经相当尽力了，可是心一直跟我的大脑对抗。。。感觉十分不舒服。。。脑袋叫我振作，心里却一直给我一种掩盖着的痛，弄得我想要振作都无法完全做到。。。嗨。。。

心里有烦，身体头脑都累了，自己挖的洞，自己跳进去，自己把自己埋起来，活该现在这么痛苦。。。

a veri thought inducing bulletin

2006-09-16T14:35:00.000+08:00

taken from: http://www.friendster.com/bulletin.php?statpos=bulletintable&bid=96852133&uid=16252809

my friendster fren Wei Siong's bulletin. Find it very very meaningful.. haha

here goes:

- start of bulletin -

Sometimes, developing spiritually and learning more about ourselves and the world requires that we first "un-learn" some lessons of the past. We often get taught very powerful yet incorrect lessonsas we go through life.

Most parents would never hurt their kids but theyoften inadvertently do, by implanting debilitating messages - that who we are, what we do isn't good enough, that imperfection is not acceptable, that to be praised, to be loved, to be rewarded, we must be smart, good looking, rich, popular and respected. How many times have you seen aparent screaming to a child that he's careless, lazy, selfish or stupid? Will the child grow up to aself-affirming adult? Or will his sense of self-worth be affected?

Throughout our lives, we've been taught the value of pursuing perfection. That has led us to believe intrinsically that imperfection is wrong, that it'sincomplete, it's broken, it's bad. That we, andeverything else, always needs fixing.

A Sanskrit mantra roughly translates into: This isperfect. That is perfect. From the perfect, comes the perfect. If from the perfect the perfect is taken away, only the perfect remains.

Peace of mind comes from the realization that we're all perfect, that everything is perfect. Such is the sense of perfection we get when holding a baby, when making our partners laugh, when slaking our thirst with cool water, when looking at trees, when swaying to music, when inhaling thesalty breath of the sea. The miracle of Life, the beauty of Nature, the promise of renewal.

This sense of perfection is our greatest blessing.It's present at all times and doesn't require any healing or change to take place. You only have to open your eyes and notice what is, rather than trying to correct what you believe is wrong. In Japanese flower arranging it is common that one of the branches in the arrangement is bent or broken, to signify that the arranger has attempted to present the flowers in a "natural" state. It is the "imperfection" of the broken branch that makes it "perfect", or closer to what naturally is.

Each one of us, no matter how evolved we might believe ourselves to be, has imperfections and personal ego attachments. These imperfections and attachments are not something to be overcome or transcended, but rather something to be understood, appreciated, and accepted.Embrace who you are wholeheartedly.

- end of bulletin -

Indeed, i was thinking of this issue recently oso, especially cuz i was told of a problem, a girl reject a guy cuz she think she isnt good enuf for him. Well.. i used to have this problem.. thinking i am too imperfect.. but as times goes by, i realise, these so called imperfection are actually juz differences and not imperfection. In fact, it is these differences tat make us who we are, and especially when it comes to relationship. I dun think they is such a thing call i am better than him/her, that's y that person will definitely pick me over him/her. Although subconsciously i believe alot of ppl fall into this self dug hole.. (me included) i strongly feel that in love, such things are secondary... as i always think feelings, (fear, happiness, love, hate) tends to be and can be irrational, illogical.. they do not always conform to reason, so we shd not use reason to explain it...

i am not saying all feelings (all forms of happiness sadness, etc) are irrational, i am juz saying that not ALL of them are rational thoughts... eg, why are some ppl afraid of roaches? why do some ppl feel happy juz standing on an open grass patch in a cool afternoon? why do some ppl feel sad when someone totally non related to u dies? these may or may not happen to u, but it does happen to people after all..

anyway, if someone who thinks they are not good enuf for anything happens to read this.. noe this.. there is no absolute perfection, and ur strong pt maybe ppl's weak pt and vice versa... look at the big picture.. it helps..

And using the "reading" above, i inferred that there is no perfection without imperfection... and becuz of imperfection, human strive to do better, often forgetting that "imperfections" are not necessary bad... wat is bad is human's thinking and attachement of meaning to it... and not "perfection and imperfection" themselves..

haha i think i am becoming not veri concise.. i shall stop here and let u all tink on ur own...

p.s. my own comments are not base on the bulletin my fren post, they might represent 2 kinda of thinking, it is juz that his post make me think of this more and pen it down..

lol.. this is fun.. haha

2006-09-16T01:47:00.000+08:00

well, over the pass couple of days, i have been seeing money on the floor but din picked them up... i saw 2 times 5cents on the floor on thurs, on fri i saw 2 times 10ct, in all 4 occasions i din picked them up.. den cuz send a fren home back on friday nite, and had to walkd back to ntu hall cuz i was not able to get the last bus.. i found 15bucks on the floor on my way back.. haha... kinda interesting.. this is not all, when i told my bro tat, he told me something more stunning, he oso found 20bucks on the floor on the same day as me.. haha interesting stuff...

hope this is a sign of good things to come... =).. think i tmr shd heed my fren's advice and go buy 4d.. haha

Jedi Code

2006-09-15T21:47:00.000+08:00

lol, in case i forget... kinda like the feel of the jedi code..

There is no emotion; There is peace.
There is no ignorance; There is knowledge.
There is no passion; There is serenity.
There is no death; There is the Force.

hmmm, juz a piece of my mind..

2006-09-15T21:37:00.000+08:00

well, for all those who genuinely worried for me.. sorrie to make all of u worrie.. i guess i am being too emotional... and perhaps i let it out without restrain, but it doesnt matter.. i have sort of come to terms with it...

since there is nothing i can do.. i aint going to do anything destructive, juz be a fren and see how things goes... of cuz my heart still aches when i think of it.. but then, certain things tat needs to be done has to be done right... and sorrie for my pathetic and non excusable performance over the past week.. missing lessons, not studying for quiz, ill prepared for project, presentations, not talking much, rather withdrawn, etc.. yeah.. i noe wat's happening, juz tat i can't be bothered...

now i think i am slightly in better ctrl.. i hope... well.. this sem is not going to be ez, and my life have never been smooth sailing.. perhaps that which doesn't kills (or breaks) me will only serves to make me stronger... Hope i do become stronger...

darn.. now listening to one of the 9.33 ying yue ri ji.. suddenly hear something like.. "wanna like someone but cant...".. suddenly gimme a veri emotional jolt into my heart.. heh.. guess i aint really that well yet.. but i shall try my best not to disrupt anything arnd me..

irony, irony, wat an irony...

2006-09-14T19:44:00.000+08:00

here i am, sad due to a "someone", one of my fren is becoming sad becuz i am feeling sad and tat she cant console me.. and now while still feeling rather sad, i need to think abt how to prevent this 2nd person from feeling sad... wth... why is this kinda shit happening to me... -_-... as if some special entity think the current events happening to me is not enuf to break me, and want to incrase the intensity to test me...
wow.. undesirable family life + undesirable acad condition + undesirable love life = 3 hit combo on me.. nothing to fall back on.. nothing to look forward to.. wow.. this is really a challenge... events must be trying to turn me into iron.. no... Titanium Man... -_-

mindless ramblings

2006-09-13T21:42:00.000+08:00

Am i feeling sad juz because i subconciously wan to feel sad? and tat i subconciously is very sick and tired of the kinda life i am having? i find myself veri inhuman to try to understand my own feeling at a time like this... i am starting to question my heart why it feels the way it feels...

my mind controls how i think, my thoughts controls how i act, my action dictates how i might feel... my heart control my impulses, my impulses also controls my action, and my action again controls and affects my feelings... when mind and heart works together.. they create miracles, when they work against each other, it tears u apart...

my mind is telling me the right things, my heart is refusing to hear things, my actions despite follows my mind, is actually adding stress to my heart, my heart continues to feel the way it felt, my mind continue telling me the right things, my body continue to hang in the balance, thinking which one to follow...

duh... they dun make sense, esp now tat i re-read them.. wat am i rambling about?

tomorrow sociology quiz, until now i haven do anything, i cant seems to settle down to start reading.. nor can i settle down to think abt social issues, cultures, globalisation, hybridisation, cosmopolitan... etc...

i tot i would have learn to not commit so easily, too bad i tot wrongly.. basically, if u dig urself a hole, u jump in, and u bury urself in, it is absolutely normal for u to die... so there is no need to question why u would have died... duh... bleh.. blah.. blooo.. la.le.lo.lu.li...

mixed feeling

2006-09-13T01:23:00.000+08:00

rather close call, she nearly wanted to see my blog..
altho on impulse i would like her to see it to noe how i feel, but on the other hand, it wun serve any purpose other than make her feel worse ba...

duh... why am i even saying this? =_=

Why does it hurt so much even though nothing has ever happened between us?

2006-09-12T23:40:00.000+08:00

(This is perhaps the first time I actually plan my entry before writing)

Well, I am feeling very weird now... awful is not exactly a right word.. What I am feeling now is something like... my heart is wrenched, sprinkled with something like disappointment and sadness... Why am I feeling like that? I have never ever in my life experience something that bad, that drastic and that sudden... Why am i feeling so even though we barely know each other for very long?

All I know thus far is that I thought I have found the one... the Miss Right... and as i got to know her better, i am more convinced that is so... but I just realise that she was attached. We had a rather heart to heart talk today... got to know a bit more about her and was happy to be able to have such a chat... sent her home after that, as it was rather late.... was feeling okay all the way until i was on my way back... a sudden rush of pain (not exactly physical) mixed with longing, disappointment and sadness jolt up my being... suddenly feel very lost... I know I am not supposed to be like this, since when did i turn into like this.... apparently not only have i become dull in my senses, i am becoming emotionally weaker as well.. is the constant problems i am facing taking its tolls on me? I do not know, i hope not though..

Anyway, despite feeling so, i promised myself that i will not (and never) become a third party. Maybe it is kinda stupid but i will try my best to help and give objective advice to her so that she can become happier... i have done similar things before, i believe i can do it again... (although previously i wasnt having such an intense emotional experience). Call me stupid, call me anything.. I do what i think is correct, i do what i think i wouldn't regret, i do what i think will be the best course of action for her... I think, I dun feel (as opposed to last time)...

I can't hope for anything right now. Both way is bad for me... I can't possibly hope that they will break up, neither can i hope that they will stay happily together forever. The first one questions the entire system of principles and morals i hold myself accountable to, the 2nd is totally a self damaging and sacrificing kind of mindset. I am no saint, i cant wish the 2nd one like what they do in the movies, all i can do now is let time do its work, let nature takes its course and see what
happens.

Sincerely hope that perhaps there is hope for me, else i really should go become monk le... maybe .. maybe...

sigh.. i have hope to make myself feel better by blogging everything out.. but it seems it didnt... sigh... argh...

darn.. i am losing touch....!

2006-09-11T22:10:00.000+08:00

sigh.. how to tell if a person is interested in u anot...?
how long and how much to know a person b4 popping the semi million dollar question of getting into a relationship?

i no longer know, and no longer can feel it.. last time meebe more sensitive, this kinda things comes more easily..
now.. i really cant tell if she is even vaguely interested anot.. neither do i noe how much to noe of each other b4 committing... how much is enuf? dun wanna hurt ppl.. dun wanna make life difficult for anyone oso.. >.<... sigh...

past experience of mine and others tell me that usually in a failed attempt of "courtship".. the awkwardness arising from it is enuf to make 2 person who are originally good fren to become mere acquaintance... and i dun wan tat to happen... sigh.... this is some difficult...

argh.. why have my sense become so dull? or issit my current case is not easily assessable?
*sigh*....

surprising how one person can brighten up my day..

2006-09-11T22:04:00.000+08:00

heh, been feeling quite good since friday, until perhaps sunday... which i feel is mainly accredited to one person, not to say i feel good cuz of her actions alone, but no doubt it plays a rather impt role i believe, heh..

makes me wonder how come 1 person can brighten my day so much.. guess she dono tho, haha or meebe she noe, well, i DONO.. LOL... as in i dono whether she noe or dono...

anyway... the good feeling ended today.. when i came in touch to the "harsh" reality...

i have... 3 outstanding core project and 1 lab project to finish by october.. best part is.. 3 of them are my core module.. cannot siao siao..

the worst part is, for one of the project, which involved CAD/CAM, we are supposed to work in pairs.. my this partner is atrocious.. today is 11 Sept.. Week 6... and well.. HE HAS YET TO DO ANYTHING... NOT CONTRIBUTED ANYTHING SIGNIFICANT... NO SENSE OF COMMITTMENT OR URGENCY TO GET THE WORK DONE...

HENCE I HAVE PROVIDE HIM WITH AN ULTIMATUM EMAIL, (DOUBT HE REALISE THO), HIS ACTION FOR THIS EMAIL WILL DETERMINE MINE, IF HE REMAIN LIKE THE ARSE HE IS.. I AM GONNA COMPLAIN TO THE LECTURER AND ASK FOR SOLO PROJECT.. I RATHER DO ALONE AND DO MORE THAN SHARE MY MARKS WITH SOMEONE WHO DOES NOTHING.. NOT TO MENTION I DUN EVEN NOE HIM TAT WELL...

ah... *regaining composure*... ah... meebe a bit too heated up.. but if this goes on, my mp3005 no need get A le.. this sem aim of all As is not merely a joke, it is something i need and wants to achieve...!

hmm bdae

2006-09-11T21:54:00.000+08:00

heh ytd was my bdae in case anyone din realise... well.. din do much, was doing some work in the morning, noon time meet ks for a swim, haha den went back home arnd 2+...

had a few game of chess, and then return home... in the evening arnd 5, set off to harbour front to have our dinner.. more makeup for my mum bdae than for mine, but nonetheless, free food.. haha

had the dinner at noodle hut, juz beside sakae sushi, the food is alright, haha pretty nice, except the shrimp dumplings, which were kinda overcooked....well after tat initially wanted to go back hall prepare quiz de, end up went to watch movie with my bro and mum.. Singapore Dreaming, a seemingly simple show with a more serious tone if u look at it closer.. haha

well in a nut shell, it juz shows the family struggle of the various member of the Loh family, how they each struggle with their own financial problem, career, dreams, etc.. dun wanna go into tat.... but the main thing if u are watching is perhaps, u can ask this question...

is the dream they are so frantically chasing something that they actually want themselves? or issit something that has been imposed to them for so long that it become their second nature? Why did this happen? When did this happen? How did this happen? Now that u have a new understanding, what are you going to do about it? and so on...

well for those who juz wan a easy show, perhaps u can amuse urself with the vastly hokkien conversation, which is kinda amusing to some of them.. i even hear ppl laffing when the characters are crying -_-

however, i realli hope this show can break even, if i am not wrong, the show opened on 7th Sept, i watched on 10 sept (sunday) and the entire cinema is only occupied by 13 viewers, including me, my bro and my mum.. so u can see how bad this is...

always do the right thing?

2006-09-10T00:17:00.000+08:00

sianz, recently and in fact all along, keep hearing ppl say.. do the right thing.. always do the right thing.. etc etc..

damn it.. what is right? i still feel tat doing the right thing at the wrong time is still wrong, and there are times where there is no "right" things to be done at the "right" time... who determine what is right and wrong, who dictates when is the right time.. if there is no such determination and dictation, how are we supposed to argue what is right and wat is wrong.. i can go on and on forever on this.. but i guess the main point is sent thru aredi... the right and wrong is subjective and since there is no absolute right and wrong, we shd never try to act as if there is...

update: the cat went off again, and it came back again.. how ah?

update.

2006-09-09T21:46:00.000+08:00

heh.. now it is making itself comfy on my.. BED.. haha i gonna get some warm water to clean it up.. else later my bed become dirty -_-.. meebe i shd use some dettol.. heh heh....

omg, a small cat

2006-09-09T21:20:00.000+08:00

mmm today saw a small lil cat in the pantry when i was cooking.. on closer examination.. it was the same small cat tat i saw during interwing games... damnit.. those ppl who brought it here is damn inconsiderate.... anyhow dump it.. when i found it.. it was like weak from hunger liddat.. and super scared.. had to coax it and bring it back to my room to feed it.. kinda cute.. lucky it is aredi at least 3 months old.. can eat biscuit.. else i muz go get the milk powder for it.. which cost a bomb.. anyway.. now kinda at a loss.. if i let it off, it is unlikely to survive, but if i keep it.. i am in deep shit.. haiz.. how ah?

think i upload a few pic of it and see got anyone interested to adopt it anot =X

hmmm i wan a phone like N73

2006-09-09T19:42:00.000+08:00

lol.. think the next thing i wanna get is a phone, and since i wanna get a mp3 player and a decent camera, was thinking i shd make it all in one, esp after i see the pic from mrbrown blog. I think nokia N73 fits the bill nicely, with extendable memory of up to 2gig i think, mp3 player, 3.2megapixel camera, and of cuz, a decent and pretty nice looking fone in its own right... aha wonderful.. too bad... the price tag oso kinda high... even with my upgrading after 21 months, i still need to pay like 598bucks -_-.. and my budget for phone is onli 100bucks + trading in my older phone (at most worth 50bucks)... >.<... let's hope i can find a decent phone with extended memory and mp3 player.. haha else meebe need to get the 2 separately le.. den get those china brand mp3 player, damn freaking cheap.. lol

today's a good day...

2006-09-09T01:03:00.000+08:00

well, today was kinda a good day for me.. well... altho i woke up late cuz of the late nite chess selection ytd, i still managed to attend 1 tutorial. That's not impt tho, the impt thing is today a rather special fren visited my hall today, had a great time chatting and perhaps disturbing (and hitting her head.. wahahaha) with her... at least i managed to do something not veri mentally exhausting from arnd 1430 - 1900, and during the 2nd round of the chess selection, i obtain the same result as ytd.. haha 2 draw 1 win, but then, today my oponents are generally better.. so feel kinda lucky to have this kinda results.. well.. the final score for me.. 2win, 4draws.. and somehow managed to get into the school team cuz my opponents are amongst the top... so lucky me.. free jacket and tshirt le wor.. SONG~... haha

*happie*
but then, tmr gonna be hell, sunday too.. damn it... thurs and fri din do anything cuz of the selection.. >.<... this is going to be soooo sooo jialat...

clarification

2006-09-06T17:33:00.000+08:00

in my previous post on hypothetical question, all the situations, terms, characteristic, etc are all based on my personal understanding, so it is my part of the "Truth", it may or may not be the entire or actual "truth", so take that with a pinch of salt (as shd be done in all cases)...

some things can be ignored, some cant....

2006-09-06T17:26:00.000+08:00

recently got fren tell me i shd not think abt the problems so much.. think more, more xinku.. dun think, no xinku...

haha i appreciate their gesture, however, some things can be ignored, while others u cant. oh well, maybe u can, but by ignoring it (attributing to apathy) u are actually allowing the situation to worsen.. although thinking abt it all the time is harmful to ur mental health, but sometimes it is not easy to juz push them away, they happen to something/someone close to u.. kinda hard to shrug it off completely... ya?

well, i hope things are getting better, sadly now i can onli wait and see as things unfold.. trying to alter the course thru more subtle means, (which perhaps i am better at) as and when they happen.. haha good luck to myself eh.. lalala

why wait for others to buy present for u?

2006-09-05T20:20:00.000+08:00

heh, today went to JP, wanted only to buy the FIR new album, been eyein it quite long, until a fren send me some of the songs, found them rather nice and decided to go buy it. =x... anyway, end up i go there, i saw the world of sports offer, pre renovation discount or something, so went in to look look.. running shoes are kinda limited, arnd 10-15design for each brand (nike,mizuno,adidas, etc) after looking for quite sometime, decided on a pair of blue nike shoes, but too bad it was damaged and they have no replacement.. lol.. so i pick a mizuno one, this one best, dun have my size T_T.. the 3rd one i pick seems to be a lucky pick, cuz i think is new model, or so the sales assistant told me, and i managed to get a desirable one.. haha

well, didnt want to spend so much de, esp since my this month onwards allowance seems bleak as there might be a reduction (highly likely) but dun care le la, rather than wait for ppl to gimme on my bdae, i think i shd go reward myself.. haha.. but 1 day spend 100bucks is not veri shuang.. heart a bit pain >.<....

argh.. having a headache, going off to take a bath and rest le.. X_X

hypothetical question

2006-09-03T19:59:00.000+08:00

character 1 - mother

traits - (negative only, positive one added only if necessary)
1. insecured feeling
2. worries children will not take care of her when they grow up(esp older one)
3. tends to view immediate problems and not long term issues
4. due to insecure feeling, separates herself and her children as 2 different "faction" - where the children faction is constantly out to scam her, and that she needs to fend for herself
5. likes to look down or make comments to bring down the elder son

character 2 - elder brother

traits - (and problem)
1. have a rather bad temper
2. owes a backside of debt
3. under alot of stress from mainly - work, debt, non supportive family, lack of personal space, feels tat he is not recognised and accepted for who he is
4.

character 3 - younger brother -ie. U, in this hypothetical question

situation

elder brother just got into work force no more than 15months, been working at a place where he dun realli like, but cant change cuz of lack of choices (plus he need the income to settle the bank loan for uni education). Trying hard to make his rather limited income counts, namely, church contribution, bank debts, house maintenance (rather forcefully enforced by the mother), self expenditure, and so on. This is already quite stress if not very stress. Added on to this, he could not exactly get any support from family members, except for his younger brother (which is not much of a help, but still better than nothing la). This makes the already almost intolerable life even worse, added on to this, both parents are adding pressure on him and implying tat he dunno how to manage his finances. (doing all this without putting themselves in his shoes). On top of that, the mother constantly make comments to bring down the elder bro self esteem/worth/value, etc.

on the side of the mother, she constantly hear from ppl (mainly aunties and others at her work place) wat their kids and children do, and will only see the better things and not the worse things tat her colleagues tell her. worse of, she (like the father) is not quite capable to differentiating what is a boast, and wat is factual. On top of tat, she had always been told tat the personality (by her ex husband) of the elder bro is the kind who will only take care of himself, etc etc , and this idea somehow got drilled in and she is always more difficult on the elder bro. Further more, as time goes by, the actions of the elder bro seems to confirm this idea of hers, and as a result, she become veri convinced tat she need to start considering her own future. To do this, she demanded maintenance from my bro, using various reasons whch will not be covered. this causes a lot of strain as the elder bro is trying hard to pay off his debt too.plus the attitude of the mum is not tat kind of supportive one u get in tv shows, it is more of those matriachal type, where it is more of a commanding tone.

from the younger bro point of view, he has been trying hard to buffer the impact the 2 of them have on each other for many years, but as he is going home less, he buffers less and less. and as times goes by, the relationship between the mother and the elder bro gets worse and worse. until now, it has escalated to the point whereby the elder bro has almost cracked... in fact he aredi have... and my mum become even more convince that her stand is correct and further refuse to listen. Add to the impression that she have, the impression tat the younger bro is gangin wth the elder bro to get her, she nows doesnt even consult the younger bro on much things. the younger bro now is at a lost, everytime he goes home, he ends up in a middle of a quarrel or after a quarrel. He brought up of having a heart to heart talk between elder bro and mum, but was kinda rejected. Deep down he oso realise tat this kinda heart to heart talk will most likely end up with him and his elder bro giving way to their mum, which will not solve the problem, only temporary put it off.

Apparently the only way to solve this problem is for the mum to take a step back first, if she do this, the stress on the elder bro will decline and he will be less defensive and more likely to give in (esp when u have a supportive family, ur threshold for stress will increase) The main reason why the other way wun work is because the problem is started from the seemingly excessive demand as well the opinion of the mother that the elder son is kinda useless.

Of cuz, this doesnt mean the brother is all correct, his actions are justifiable, but not acceptable. If we do not consider moral values or anything, his actions are infact quite correct, however, when morality sets in, it can be observe tat what he do and think is not exactly correct or desirable. He himself know this, but the stress he is putting up with prevents him from thinking otherwise, and this is veri bad. The younger brother knows if nothing is done, the result will be the same as when the mother and the father divorce.

SO, IF U ARE THE YOUNGER BROTHER, WHAT WILL YOU DO??? WHAT CAN YOU DO???

whew... this is hard....!

how i reminisce (if it is a the right word to use) my secondary school times

2006-09-03T18:40:00.000+08:00

whew, recently was thinking of my sec sch times, those times were really the best... everyday go school, after school stay in school do work, help my frenz in their work.. after tat either play 1.street soccer 2. basket ball 3. run around loiter and after tat, always will play chess.. haha chinese chess with the ah peh...

those were the times, study no need care, cuz always do very well, play oso no need scared injured, cuz i am rubber man, super flexible, can jump, etc... well tat time stamina oso not bad.. can run whole day and dun feel the pinch at nite or even the next day... now... haha dun even dare to compare.. last time eat like pig, still look like a bamboo... now eating like a pig/dino, weight keeps going up, last time i measured, i was like... 68kg liddat... and the previous time i weigh was like.... 60kg... the spare tyre oso getting bigger le.. and i am onli going to swim once per week.. die le la, by the time i am 40, i think i am no longer a pig, but a hippopothemus... (spelling dono right anot)

>.<

describing myself in terms of D n D 3rd ed rules

2006-09-03T18:34:00.000+08:00

Current status

Strength 14
Dexterity 16
Constitution 15
Intelligence 17
Wisdom 16
Charisma 12

Level : level drained
Class: Backside full of debt wizard (cuz need to study)

heh, juz something tat pop into my mind at this point of time, so juz add it.. lalala

the feeling of owing money everyday u wake up is not nice at all

2006-09-02T21:45:00.000+08:00

TMD... everyday wake up somehow something will remind me... "Oi Ed, u still owe the BANK 20k, and an additional 2k for ur com! and dun forget, u need to give a fraction of ur income to ur mum and dad when u start work.. BETTER WAKE UP UR IDEA!!"

tat kinda feeling is not good.. not good at all.. everyday (ok, not everyday, but most of the days) wake up with tat feeling realli makes me feel lousy.. I tried to ignore it, but everytime i see my bro... tmd... i am reminded of the worst debt i am in... and the f-up environment i am living in... i wun term my parents as money suckers, i would juz say that they are feeling rather insecure.. but then, hey... i cant do anything abt it, can i?

recently feeling more and more emotionally deprived.. and sometime think i shd find someone to look after as well as to look after me, but everytime i tot of that.. i worry of my bleak future.. lol.... dunno shd get into relationship anot.. not to mention so far the relationship i got into, din come out nicely... but then, recently i did get to know someone who is actually nice to talk to.. and seemingly desirable (i definitely dono enuf to judge), however, how can 1 think of getting into a relationship when he/she doesnt even know whether he/she could/should get into 1.. meebe when i sort this out, will i be finally able to determine whether i should give chase anot.. but by then meebe ppl aredi attached (or meebe aredi even attached all along)... haiz.. aiya.. this kinda thing.. dun think so much better....

i think go think abt which IA company to go is more practical... earn more money, get out of this shit.. and life will get better.... i hope....

blardy hell, waste my time going home again...

2006-09-02T21:35:00.000+08:00

today is my mum's bdae, and supposed to have some dinner de.. went home to celebrate with her, reach home onli to find tat she aredi bought some food... ask her go out she say she dun wan, throw tantrum say call us we never pick up (she call me at 4.40pm, i return 3 calls from 5pm-5.15pm, all never pick up, by 520, i aredi reach home) then say she too tired from carrying all the stuff she bought home, den dun wanna to even go downstairs to eat... no matter how i persuade her oso no use....

anyway, i could tell something wrong la, and i heard she sort of had a tiff with my bro.. again... -_-... and i believe she diliberately do this to make my bro feel guilty or something.. i am slowly slowly getting to the point of not being able to understand wat she is thinking, in fact.. even if i do, i realise i cant do anything anymore ... the both of them are like... stubborn mules.. and in fact i dun blame my bro for wat/how he feel... it is realli veri hard to be living like he is now.. which is something i will be going thru soon (perhaps not as bad, but similar definitely).

well, imagine a typical scenario, u are a poor scholar in the song or watever dynasty... u borrowed 2000bucks to go to capital to take exams, u managed to get a small ranking officer which yield u a monthly pay of 200bucks.. and ur mum, instead of asking u to finish paying ur debts first, started demanding maintenance from u, abt 20% lidat.. and sadly, u are a reglious guy who feel tat a portion (10%) of ur income shd goes to helping the needy.. minus away all the expenditure, u roughly onli have 30-50bucks per month which is given to the money lender. The best or worst part is, the lender is a loanshark who charges 12% interest, meaning u need to pay abt 240bucks per year as interest.. which means if the poor chap pays 40bucks per month (480 per year), he will take meebe 8-9years to repay the debt.. how wonderful...

damn it, dun feel like writing le.. stopping here le..

kaoz, so long never go out, 1 time go out spend so much

2006-08-31T20:58:00.000+08:00

haha dono how long never go jp walk walk le.. today decided to go, primarily to get hair wax oso, haha so go there see see look look lo... reach there walk arnd... den decided shd buy sunscreen lotion oso,o cuz last week swim until chao ta, jitao let ppl say i roasted pig -__-.. thx MS INKY!!... -__-....

anyway reached ntuc den go walk arnd.. haha end up bought a bottle of clay (wootz, NTUC got discount of abt 80cents for gatsby wax and clay) and also a bottle of Hazeline moisturising cream. lol realise i got no moisturiser or aloe vera gel to put on my dried and cracked skin, so buy 1 bottle in case.. heh, lucky never buy the coppertone sunscreen lotion at ntuc.. went to watson to find out they have 20% discount on a lot of stuff.. bought the banana boat brand instead of coppertone cuz abt same price but the banana one got more =x, i veri kiasu one.. and on top of tat i am not exactly sure if hypogenic or something liddat means water proof anot, so got the banana one which is stated explicitly as water resistant... anyway, since got offer, i oso sunpian buy the mech 3 shaving blades refill.. -_- end up spend like..... 30-40bucks liddat.. T_T

haha anyway, if u got stuff to buy, can go watson see see, the 20% realli good deal.. haha

haha newest update

2006-08-30T22:48:00.000+08:00

apparently the zi zi zi and the poof sound wasnt really the cause of the fan going down.. as the whole stretch of ppl all have their fan gone down -_- wat the HELL... one month charge me close to 200, the fan oso liddat... $^#@#!@!%!#^!#

my fan ju ba boom..

2006-08-30T22:36:00.000+08:00

last nite, listen to a fren advice, tried to slp early.. well, early is arnd 1am++, lie a while, den managed to get to slp i think arnd 2+... i rem hearing zi zi zi sound coming from my fan at a point of time, as i was awaken by the irritating sound.. then i also remember hearing a rather soft poooooopfff... (something like a muffled explosion) and when i woke up due to stuffiness at 5am+, i realise the fan was down.. -_-... try as i may, i cant get it to start again >.< and tat KDK ceiling fan was onli newly installed for around 3month plus onli lor... wat the hell... oh.. the fan managed to come alive after i came back from lesson, which is arnd 6pm plus plus, juz as i was happily telling my fren how hardcore KDK ceiling fan is, the s2pid fan died again, barely rotating for more than 20mins.. gy.. tat's it... tomorrow go hall office ask for change le...

uploading is so mafan

2006-08-30T18:47:00.000+08:00

a few pic, rest lazy upload.. so mafan.. pwee

finally understand wat the feeling is, altho i still dono wat is bothering me...

2006-08-29T21:23:00.000+08:00

after several weeks, say.. abt 2 or 3? i finally managed to "pinpoint" what the moody feeling is.. it is something, somewhere between lonely and isolated, however, the feeling is neither, sounds kinda chim but tat is perhaps the best way to describe how i feel and has been feeling.

But then, despite knowing this, i dono wat is the cause, altho i have some speculation... most probably due to some background issues, ahaha no wonder human need love... one form or another... despite the fact tat one form of love cannot displace and/or replace another, when u have one, u tends to be less needy on the other... (of cuz, there is more than 2 kind of love, but i am juz using 2 for the ease of explanation)

speaking of which, i realise, when u have none, or u perceive u have none, then big problem sets in... depression, constant moodiness, blah blah blah all comes in.. and most probably self pity too.. which is bad..

talking abt self pity, a fren once said... animals dun wallow in self pity.. they are onli aware of their weakness and disadvantage but not feeling helpless (and wants the whole world to pity them). They continue to fight for survival despite their disadvantage and seldom do we see them give up. [ok, my fren din say all these, he only said animals dun wallow in self pity, the rest are wat i made out of it] This is why i feel that human should not self pity, showing pity for others is already not very desirable (i believe in helping others to live better by teaching them how to, not doing it for them, unless in extreme cases) let alone pitying oneself. My bro told me some self pity is perhaps necessary to tell us our shortcomings or weakness, perhaps tat's true, but self awareness is what is needed, not pity.. wallowing in pity has almost no (at least none i can think of) advantages, and the sad thing is, i keep seeing ppl doing that.. I used to be very sympathetic to such ppl, but as time goes by, i become quite put off by it.. how can one person juz get "engross" in a sea of self pity and hope that things get better with no input from themselves? why do they simply refuse to see? i understand it is hard, but life is harsh... and pitying oneself doesnt makes it any better..

As a result, i refrain myself from doing tat, it is not easy, as i have been having impulses to juz stop striving and let things take their own course, but when i clear my mind, i realise it shd not, and shall never be the way.. i noe i am in a shitty position in life, and i believe only my bro will understand as he went thru the same shit 4 years b4 me.. i doubt many ppl will fear for their life at the age of 22 (which is my age) but in actual fact i do... i noe i cant die in the foreseeable next 5years or so.. else the situation in my family, etc will get even worse.. and the mindset of both my parents shown when they converse and communicate to my bro is not making this any better... think i might break if i dun find an avenue for easing this pressure.. (tho i dun think it is anytime soon but...)

ah... better dun think so much... think more, worry more, stress more, ki siao sooner >.<

Life sux, but it can be made better if I try.. yeah... if i dun break first =X

heh, realise something today

2006-08-24T23:32:00.000+08:00

today have a gathering with the gun gun aka penguin gang.. aptly name as gun gun is the "pet name" for one of my jc fren who is the reason why i noe tat grp of ppl... haha anyway had dinner at anchor point, the pizza.. den they proceed to have some cakes from secret recipe... heh... i din eat tho, no appetite.. =(

anyway.. tat's not the pt. perhaps today veri tired and stress, so din talk and contribute much to the conversation, instead, i listen alot... end up... realise something.. a few things actually

1. U dun need to express urself all the time... doing tat too often might cause some ppl to give less attention to u when u talk
2. Take a deep breath, step back, listen to wat ppl say.. u will be surprise by the things u learn from them.. be it from their wisdom and knowledge or from their naive thinking or ignorance...

altho i say so, it is oso not tat good to keep ur comments to urself all the time.. but we shd noe when to do it and when not to.. dun be like me...

like ytd.. blabber + joke + tease ppl at the wrong time, end up make tat person unhappy, then i oso quite upset abt wat i did.. so din get good rest, den end up whole day thursday feel quite low... >.< oso partially why i quite sian during the dinner... heh serve me right ba..

but at least get to learn something.. meebe i aredi know, juz tat i din realise tat it is done tat way.. well, perhaps i shd talk less, listen more.. perhaps.. perhaps...

forget to mention...

2006-08-24T23:30:00.000+08:00

haha most impt ppl forget to mention

my mum - Huang An's Songs
my bro - Chi Xin Jue Dui (by li shengjie?) and He Yao Sun's Songs

song and ppl

2006-08-24T22:58:00.000+08:00

alot of song reminds me of alot of ppl, shall try to list it down below...

Guys

1. Stanley - Ben Xiao Hai
2. Kai Siong - Utada Hikaru Songs, esp Sakura Drops and Simple and Clean (although i din get the songs from him)
3. Daniel - Namie Amuro's Songs
4. Huan, Sean, Mervin and gang - some technos ba.. not tat impressionable
5. Weida - Gundam Wings theme, Just Communication by Two Mix and also White Reflection by the same artise)
6.3Sg Yeo, aka Yeo Siok Wei ( a regular from my unit last time) - Initial D Songs as he show me and some of my man initial D anime from ep 1 - 3 (whole set) during out weekend COS duty.. haha
7. Jeremy, Chee Wee, Sheng Long, Chee Hong - Wake me up when September Ends (reminds me of our creative thinking project times together)

Gals

1. Jennifer Xue - Leo Ku (Gu Ju Ji) and Gigi Leung -> Xu Yuan and also Dan Xiao Gui by Gigi Leong also
2. Liping - Only Love by Trademark and My Love by westlife
3. Huiting - Dou Jiang You Tiao (Li Junjie), Tong Hua by Guan Liang? (or Ping Guan, cant remember) <- got other songs, but the last and most impressionable one is tong hua 4. Berlinda - nothing gonna change my love for u by Air Supply , tuo diao by Du De Wei
5. Jennifer Xu - Ai Ni by Cyndi
6. Yan Qi - Li Xiang Qing Ren and Zhi Xiang Ai Ni by Rainie (temp perhaps cuz happen tat i was listening to alot of rainie songs when i got to know her)
7. (edit, forget to add) Eileen Kieo - Some of Jay Songs haha, dunno why oso
8. Xiuling - Qian Li Zhi Wai (new song by Jay, with Fei Yu Qing) <-- guarantee reminds me of her as she intro me to the song, lol.. so foreseeable tat this song will be THE song...

some special perk me up songs ->

1.Kit Chan's Ru Xi Tai Shen, Xuan Ya and Xi Huan Ni
2.Gigi Leung's Older albums -> Xi Lian, Dan Xiao Gui, Xin Xian, etc
3. Daniel Chan's Older albums -> most of the songs found in his "jing xuan"
4.Fir "Wu Xian" album, esp Ci Niao , Qian Nian Zhi Lian
5.Liang Jing Ru's Si lu's almost entire album, tian shi de wei xiao (if i din get it wrong) as well as some of the older songs
6. Guang Liang and Ping Guan's older songs
7. Old chinese songs, (not Lin Dai tat period, but during the time where alot of songs are written by local talent Liang Wen Fu)
8.Michael Learns to rock - Oldies, example Paint My heart and Take me to ur Heart
9.Old Technos, trance and dance - some songs from heart attack 7 (yeah i noe it's old) and even older ones, like eurodance album 1, etc
10.Eurobeats - Initial D sound tracks like Rage ur dream, Phantom Skyline, Speedy Speed Boy (the title might be a bit wrong tho)
11. Utada Hikaru's Songs -Sakura Drop, Hikaru, Simple and Clean (english version of Hikaru, theme for kingdom hearts), First love, Can u keep a secret, Travelling, etc etc
12. Ayumi Hamasaki - A-best, (miss)understood
13. Rainie Yang Cheng Ling - Ai Mei, Li Xiang Qing Ren, Zhi Xiang Ai Ni, Bu Jian

** this list is by no means complete and i listen anything i like... those songs above i basically quote them offhand without reference.. haha

sociology.. my preference.. haha

2006-08-23T23:24:00.000+08:00

after think so much, end up i still take back socio for PE, and seriously i wonder why this module is PE.. the lectures is ok, but the readings are a bit difficult for some of the non socio ppl.. and this mod is made for non socio ppl.. perhaps i too long never read le.. haha shall try to buck up.. read more = know more = more zai!

be a man, do the right thing...

2006-08-23T23:21:00.000+08:00

aha quoting from yonghao.. he got this interesting way of saying.. "BEEEE a MAN, DOOO the RIGHT thing" and it always amuse me to think of it.. but haha wat exactly does being a man means, and wat does doing the right thing means, doing wat seems right might not be so right afterall, so who are we to dictate wat is right or wrong. A very ez example is, consider u are in a war torn area, a beggar come to u and ask u for a donation. do u give anot? if u give, u might cause him to become a target of violence with his new found assets, but then if u dun, u might cause him to become a thug who has to rob others for survival... so which is right and which is wrong?

i am not exactly misled, i juz wan ppl to noe that there are always implication far beyond our immediate calculations and it will be wise to take note of them...

hmmm moody ed

2006-08-23T23:16:00.000+08:00

recently dono moody for wat reason.. has been pretty moody, stressed and a bit emotionally unbalanced i think.. haha
stressed can understand due to all the project and perhaps the team mates of some of them, as well as the weightage of the projects and their implications to my honour's standing.
moody i oso dono why.. apparently for no reason ba.. haha getting better, but still a bit moody.. =(
emotionally unbalanced, i think due to the fact i long time dun have heart to heart talk with anyone le.. haha this prob a bit hard to solve, meebe got gf might solve, den again.. meebe not...

the score so far

2006-08-23T18:15:00.000+08:00

total lessons up to date (exclude those i drop) 66hrs
total lesson missed = 2hrs (reasons, bad headache the previous nite, unable to wake up on time [or at least no strength to pull myself off the bed])

% attendance = 96.96%

let's hope i can keep up the good work.. ^^

the meaning of boring

2006-08-23T18:09:00.000+08:00

lalala was pretty busy recently so not much time to update the blog... today jj sianz.. i really buay tahan le.. i finally reach a new and higher understanding of the word boring... IMAGINE..
U TAKING A MODULE CALL "COMPUTER AIDED DESIGN AND COMPUTER AIDED MANUFACTURING", in case u all dunno, it is mainly the utility of software like solidworks, autocad, nastran, etc to do engineering products, etc. Well this module might sound interesting, and i tot so initially, but as i started attending lecture.. i begin having doubts abt my thots.... first.. the lesson is boring, so far taught abt transformation of data, etc in the virtual and display space, etc etc. Secondly the lecturer is downright boring.. even trying to force my self to a 100% concentration rate, there is not one time in all these 3 weeks tat i can sit thru one lesson without slapping myself awake.. >.< make it worse, the assignment given to us is rather confusing.. and even added to tat, i have a new partner from China, tho i keep my judgements to myself for the time being, some of my other design fren told me he jitao blur blur + slack... this time.. siaoz liaoz la... !$!^!~%

nabeh.. simi sai...

2006-08-15T18:00:00.000+08:00

sianz, today botai bo chi go lab kena aim.. pwee.. i din noe guy prof can pms one.. wat's his name... A/P Chua XXXXXXX, din even noe he existed prior to today... today heavy rain den got some students a bit late, den he started using accusing tone and told them.. NTU is covered.. so why late when there's rain -_-... then the guy say he driving ma, den the prof lan lan.. after tat a girl came late, same treatment, juz tat he never kp so much.. muz be hum sup lou la.. gy...
den his description of the lab is kinda vague, and he ask qn oso never say properly.. jitao a few of my fren oso dono wat he asking.. he ask me wat mode.. why he meant.. what are the 3 mode/way of heat transfer are there.. den i cant answer as i dono wat he asking (i noe the 3 ways are conduction, convection and radiation, juz tat the way he talk.. nabeh) den i say i cant rem.. den he lan lan.. after a while he shoot me again, ask me how to see which kinda flow is better.. when i told him it depend on the client, he jitao demean me asking if i juz came out of JC -_-... i mean, it is widely known, i know as well, tat counter flow type is more effective, but there juz might be cases where the physical environment dun allow it, or when the client/customer diliberately want a parallel flow.. so i told him, it depends on the customer and that better is juz a relative term. IF he meant efficient, i would take counter flow, den he jitao dun seems to be listening to me at all.. trying to find fault nia.. juz as i tot most lecturers are pretty good, i get this kinda fucked up prof... and due to his perhaps lack of presence, he talk cock for less den an hr den ninja away, was back at 1610 or so, ie,... he wasnt arnd for us to ask for help for more than 100minutes, go complain him den he noe,, pwee...

btw, sorrie to the readers (if there's any), i wasnt planning and thinking wat i am writing, i juz blabber out whatever tt came into my mind, tat's why it is veri jumbled and perhaps lack proper sequencing, grammer, vocab, etc..

anyway.. tat s2pid lab took all (yea, all of us) much longer than normal.. we managed to finish at arnd 5pm, when the lesson is supposed to end at 4.30pm... and he left even b4 all of us was finish, arnd 4.30pm or so... wat kind of tutor is he... i admit he has better qualification, but he is definitely the lousiest lab instructor ever, or so far tat i encountered.. even master students are so much better... -_-... so tat's where the increment to 6k per year go to.. employing and keeping "elites" like this huh... pwee...

hmm.. modules...

2006-08-14T20:21:00.000+08:00

sianz.. cannot get the prescribe elective i wan.. aka PE.. dono why.. i put many many oso cannot get.. end up now left a few only, mainly HL804, HL808, EM108 and HS808.

HL808 = magic realism = literature module, tried to sit in for lecture today, but the lecturer a bit crap.. at a rather large lecture theatre, he refuses to use the mike, and worse part is, he talk at a volume as if he is conversing normally.. with almost no attempt to project his voice and make it audible.. and when ppl said they cant hear, he ask them to come to the front rows... but the problem is.. i am at the 4th row from the last, and there is only 2 rows in front and i am oso struggling veri veri hard juz to catch some of the words he say.. so how? i sit for 10mins and when i cant get anything from him, i decided to leave, i din even manage to get a proper intro to the module.. perhaps i am losing something good as a module.. but i guess i definitely din lose a decent lecturer >.<

HL804 = words and images = literature modules too, this one i wasnt able to attend juz yet as the lessons are on wednesday, and last wed is national day. So perhaps i will go for the 1st hr this wed to see how things are...

EM108 = some module on environmental considerations, offered by CEE, seems quite interesting, in fact i have already added it and dropped HL804. Unfortunately, it is also at wed, and it clashes with HL804, so i have to go see which one is better...

HS808 = sociological module mainly on cultures. Apparently this module is catered to those with no socio background, and apparently the course content seems to be something i am pretty familiar with (as i have took a number of Socio GEs). Taking this mod will nett me a higher chance of getting good results, but i doubt i will learn much.. and the minus pt is that the date of the exam is the same as one of my core. Good thing is tat this mod is after my core, bad thing is, i might not be able to perform optimally for this paper.. as such, i shall place it at my personal waiting list

hmm... 2nd week onli aredi feel so tired >.<... muz buck up liaoz X_X

... amusing... but a bit.. haha

2006-08-07T16:31:00.000+08:00

realise i receive a lot of junk emails.. most of this are those... certain part enlargement... certain part lose weight, certain girl/guy/watever needs company.. but today saw the best part...

email one -> increase by up to 3inches in (insert number here) days...
email two -> reduce up to 8inches in 30days...

(so the 2 email is trying to tell me tat i can increase my waist 3inches and reduce the length of some parts of my bodies by 8inches? eh... reduce 8inches still got anything left meh...? 8inches = 20cm... anything minus twenty centimetre oso not left much le... X_X

the moment i see this 2 title, i cant help but feel amusd.. lol... why do i get so much junk email nowadays...

First day of school

2006-08-07T16:09:00.000+08:00

hmm, successfully participated the entire day of lesson, haha quite an achievement for someone who pay 6k a year to attend exams and tutorials only. Suddenly realise that in contrary to my common belief, attending lesson shd be the norm and not attending lesson shd be minimal (and not vice versa).

Well, today at school feel quite happy attending those lectures.. why? cuz finally it seems i am starting to study things that are of apparent real practical uses.. haha mainly, concurrent design/engineering, CAD/CAM, ,etc <-- these are the actual things and methodology used out there in the mkt... and lucky for me, so far, most of the lecturers are pretty interesting and seems to be putting in effort to making the lecture as interesting as possible.. unlike some of my yr 1 and 2 lectures.. guess i shd not be skipping them anymore as they seems very impt to my future "use".

One thing tat still bugs me, ntu is a freaking war zone.. if u think great singapore sale is bad, imagine going thru 70% of the crowd everyday... sometimes even up to 80% =x haha the crowd at lunctime is atrocious.. the first week of semester is lagi worse.. nabeh... the library is so packed as if they are giving free 1000 dollar shopping voucher liddat... but then, it's good to see all those freshies... reminds me of when i first came here... haha blur and toot.. some try to act smart.. some are genuinely smart.. doesnt matter though.. in time they will become old bird like me and alot of the rest.. and by then, it's abt time to start to fine tune myself to be accustomed to the new environment i will be entering...

duh.. drifting off again as usual.. gonna take a short peek at tmr's notes den go play game le.. wahahaha

interesting math stuff

2006-08-04T15:21:00.000+08:00

recently received an email on kids maths "solutions" saw many of those b4, but never managed to get the actual copy, haha lemme share a few with u all...

(it may not look as hilarious as i type it out, but u shd get the idea nevertheless)

qn: Expand (a + b)^n <-- read as (a + b) to the power of n

solution: (a + b)^n = (a + b)^n = (a + b)^n = (a + b)^n <--- expanded solution

qn: /
/
x / 4
/
/___
3

find x.

the student solution is... he circled the X and say, "there it is!" -_-

qn: evaluated 1/n Sin X

solution: 6

how he/she get this is realli innovative... 1/n sin X <-- n and n cancelled, therefore,
1/n sin X = 1/1 si X = 1 six = 1 (6) = 6

qn: evaluated sqrt2/2
solution: one sqrt sign -_- cuz 2 and 2 cancel of, left one sqrt nia... -_- -_- -__-!!!

after reading this, i conclude tat kids nowadays are real smart.. my times, some of us, most fierce ones, dono how to do, at most draw one smiley face.. nowadays kids realli innovative.. this kinda solution oso can come up.. especially tat six question.. kaoz... his expansion is even more difficult than the actual solution.. kudos and salute to this chap man..

mmm, proposed hypothesis

2006-08-04T15:18:00.000+08:00

i came up with a hypothesis on why the ants suddenly migrate, cuz for the entire level, i am the only living soul right from tat period of time till now (now ppl aredi moving in). But for tat period, there is no food source in the whole level except perhaps mine, hence, they migrated to my territory and make it theirs.. easily understandable, juz dono whether true anot... anyway, while i am culling them, find baits to poison their queens, etc, i hope they juz find another target and dun force my hand and dirty them in killing them -_-.... i am no angel, but i dun wanna a devil either... -_- --__-- ---___---...

wolfberry!

2006-08-04T15:05:00.000+08:00

Wolfberry, aka Gou Qi Zi, is a chinese herbal medicine used in many applications. From medicine to cuisine, this small little red, raisin like stuff is actually veri beneficial. A quick search in googles will yield u many results, most give more or less consistent explanation. Apparently, it contains alot of good stuff, vitamins, minerals, carbo, fibre, etc.. its macro and micro nutrition values are impressive, and it is certaintly a good food to eat..

Btw, my sudden mention of wolfberry is becuz of the herbal soup i cooked today.. wanted to do herbal chicken soup de, but cld not get alot of the ingredients, end up i onli used 5.. dang gui, yu zhu, hong zao, gou qi zi, some cut ginseng and chicken... the soup is pretty good, sweet and thick, with medicinal taste, yum yum...

shit.. i realise the ants are back again, i gonna go exterminated and carry out some mass culling exercises... be back again soon...!

2 more days left to sch reopen

2006-08-04T14:56:00.000+08:00

sian la, school starting le la , 2more days left, study 2 days den national day, not too bad eh.. prob is, freaking hell, i din get PE again, nabeh, muz go chiong with those ah tiong, ah neh, ah toot, ah nerd, etc on the add drop period... and for those who dono, add drop starts on the first day of school... gy... i wanna clear my last pe, ifnot this sem i onli have 16 au...

speaking of which, i have promise myself not to skip lessons unnecessarily, i wanna see if attending lesson do helps me get As anot, last sem result was a great disappointment... i studied harder than normal, yet i din get much better result, i believe the onli cause is my attendance, i think i onli attend 10% of the lectures, haha...

now playing heroes V, left 2 more campaign, now at last mission of the Dungeon (aka dark elves) campaign, a bit sianz le, tat time stop after Haven campaign cuz jj sianz, haha... meebe i shd take my time, this kinda game, rush den not nice le...

been digging alot of my old games out to play, namely arcanum, pool of radiance - ruins of myth drannor, neverwinter nights, baldur's gate 2, these games are realli well made.. playing them again still nett me a lot of enjoyment and a sense of fufillment. I have decided not to invest in WoW as it realli cost a lot and i am not prepared to commit myself to online gaming, especially after i realise my 12million account in FL was somemore wiped when the malaysian server merged with the europe one. It wasnt supposed to happen as all accounts were supposed to be transferred and i still have at least 1-2months left of playing in 2 of my 3 accounts, actually to be exact, i have good and item and all stuff worth up to 20-25millions, making my one of the few veri rich guys when i first stop the game.. later i went back, alot of ppl richer den me le, but i am still filthy rich lor.. gy...

anyway, so much for my fairyland stories, back to the topic at hand... this sem is the final sem i can relac a bit and chiong for good grades, after this sem, all my future sems will be packed with modules, i was unable to find any year4 modules to take as it clashes with my other modules in terms of timing or exam dates.. so lan lan suck thumb lor >.<

sigh.. ntu oso quite screw up... argh..... dun wanna think abt it le... take things as they come ba... X_X

ant infestation

2006-08-04T14:40:00.000+08:00

it started when i return from thailand at arnd 9th July (if i werent mistaken). Out of nowhere, suddenly 2 different "gang" of ants "colonised" my room. At first there were only like... a few foraging the area, but as time goes by, more and more are spotted. Today, i got the final straw, i was eating those sushi from Edo, and i was reading some online doc at the same time. Eating halfway, i suddenly felt weird sensation on my arms and a bit on my mouth area, i turn to look at my food. To my horror, lots of small ants are on my hand, sushi box and the table. They were like SHINOBI (ooo naruto eh, cfm is kakashi, if naruto, bokoleng i never notice), appearing out of no where.

[Some brief backgrd, as i said there were 2 diff kind of gang, one of them is the typical outdoor ant tat run fast fast, body length of abt 2mm perhaps, black and fast, i call them orh, fast and furious (aka OFF) and the second type is tose brownish small small one, climb like turtle, but managed to ninja me today, i call them Search, Hunt, Identify and Take back to nest gang, (aka SHIT)]

back to the incident, this SHIT gang of kou hia (hokkien for ants) make me have the last straw, i go into a cruel bloodlusted frenzy of ant killing almost rivalling my recent roaches extermination exercise. I burn, crush, drowned, decapitated more than a hundred of them, still i am feeling enraged. I realise i am quite powerless to stop them as i believe the s2pid queen gives birth to more ants than i can crushed. So, being a bit more in control, i surf arnd the net and realise perhaps i shd buy bait and ASSASSINATE THE QUEEN by using POISON!! (gee, sounds so much like those fantasy games) problem is, where do i get those, think i will be going to look for them tmr or the day after tmr...

base on my reading, i realise that ants need no migrate to ur hse because it's dirty or wat, they seems to do it in a rdm fashion and if they is food and moisture to be forage, salvage and gathered, they will come consistently. For my case, i think the SHIT clan have aredi reach the pinnacle of their craft. I really hope that the SHIT clan is not the infamouse Odourous House Ants found a lot in N. America, esp Kentucky. If it is den i am in deep shit.... yeah. deep shit due to SHIT clan... pwee.... anyway, i will not be the nice guy i was and let them have wat they wan.. to date, they have aredi caused me to dump alot of my food, including bread....YES BREAD!!! which they swarm it even before i have open the package... lots more stuff i have to dump b4 i eat due to these SHIT clan warriors and workers... and oh ya, the SHIT clan loves to give me the occasional bites.. juz to inform me tat i shd kill them... pwee..

from now on, I SHALL TERMINATE, ERADICATE, DEVASTATED, DESTROY, DECAPITATE, DROWN, BURN, STAKE (if possible), CRUSH, TWIST, POISON, and anyway possible to UTTERLY BANISH THEM FROM MY HOME!!! so sayeth limpeh.. nabeh...!!!!

ambiguity

2006-08-04T14:37:00.000+08:00

wanted to write this long ago, keep forgetting. Everytime i see the lottery ticket seller at Jurong pt, this thing abt moral dilema and ambiguity keeps popping into my head. Using a disabled person to sell lottery, is this a form of justification or a form of self consolation to would-be gambers? gambling by nature is often considered detrimental, so we shd not realli get involved in gambling. Here is the prob, by not gambling, we are actually denying one of the ways tat this disadvantaged personnel can earn a living, yet by patronising them, we are actually causing some form of harm. If we bought for the sake of charity, wun it be almost the same as donating? sigh.. wat a complex situation....

jj sian

2006-07-24T15:09:00.000+08:00

shit... these 2 days bo tai bo chi never slp proper end up now slp at 4-5am and wake at 12-1am again.. pweee... realli need alot of discipline to slp and wake up early...

mmm weird dream...

2006-07-24T15:08:00.000+08:00

haha had a weird dream the day before yesterday, dreamt tat all my teeth drop out.. den woke up in quite a shock... lol... wake up already realise if tat really happens.. put dentures lor.. haha
one thing to note, i was able to feel the holes left by teeth loss in the dream.. haha... so real...

hmmm holiday ending soon...

2006-07-16T11:11:00.000+08:00

yeah... 2 more weeks to end of holiday.. muz go enjoy le.. next sem and the sems to come wun be as forgiving as this 4 sems.. better get ready to buck up and study hard le >.<

speaking of which, meebe i shd be playing instead of blogging now.. hoho...

..wat the hell...

2006-07-16T11:10:00.000+08:00

Someone did it again.... someone kope my dishwasher i left outside... somemore new one ... old one nobody kope, the moment i buy new one, some arse go take it... kaoz.. now muz go buy again... pwee....

back from Thailand (Chiang Mai/ Chiang Rai tour)

2006-07-10T18:27:00.000+08:00

hmm.. well i am back finally.. let's see... what has transpired while i was gone... Italy beat Germany in the semis.. (yeah. my suay mouth work.. germany realli chui-ed) and France beat Portugal. And Italy beat France 5-3 at penalty shoot out today (1-1, 5-3 pen) and yeah.. always like Italy and Argentina.. so was pretty happy they won. Oh the lites in my room mysteriously came back.. haha

so let's take a look at the thai trip (seriously, i realli dun feel like penning them down.. super long.. tmd)

let's make this a bit more formal .. yeah? haha

1. introduction
2. duration/ places of visits
3. booties/loots/treasure from the adventure
4. experience gain/level up?
5. Pros, aka the goodie good good parts
6. Cons, aka fucked up parts of the trip
7. conclusion

INTRODUCTION

On 5th July 2005, wrong.. 2006 i was "forced" through soft methods to accompany my Mum to go on a overseas trip on Chiang Mai/Chiang Rai + all those side trips.. various tribes, etc etc. Took the 0750 flight from silkair. Not much probs, save the part tat i have to wake up at 5 to get ready, blah blah. Spend 5 not veri interesting days and 4 rather cold nites there. supposed to come back on the 9th July 2005 local time of around 2130. But damn it.. the s2pid plane was supposed to depart at 1900 local time. but due to some technical issues, it was pushed back for 30mins.. after a few moments, they said tat the flight is delayed till 2230. and when it was arnd 2130 (ie, time to board the plane, etc) an announcement (in thai -_-) said it will onli take off at 2330... and ended up.. i reach singapore at around 0230 the following morning, plus the usual wine shopping etc, i reach home as a PACK MULE at 0330, juz in time for the last 10mins of the Italy vs France game.. LUCKY got extra time and penalty kick... if not i watch sai sia.... damn it.. pwee... tmd.. nabeh...

Duration / places of visits

duration 5th to 9th July. Places of visit.. mostly boliao areas (will upload fotos when i am done with them, and if i feel like it).
first day, shd be zo bo lan day, but the tour guide pushed the program. So end up eat some weird tribal food together with some boring cultural show. All of us left halfway thru it to go back hotel rest after a long flight.. almost all tat is. Promptly after reaching hotel.. (PORNPING HOTEL, haah interesting name eh?) and even b4 tat, i had a rather bad headache. I inform my mum aredi, but sadly.. for me, she sort of insisted to visit the nite market for she scared skarlie our 5days stay everyday rain cannot buy anything. (typical singaporeans anyone?? kiasu + kiasee = poor edric with a splitting headache put to the mill.. ) tat trip was a bad one, we were drop of at another hotel the rest of the tour group is staying at and walk to the mkt with absolutely no info on how to return to our own hotel. and mind u, it is abt 9pm (thai time) aredi. She (my mum) walk arnd as i grumble and complained... eventually, we din buy anything much and made our way back hotel. only to realise we lost our ways after 40mins of treading in the dark. Fortunately for us, i managed to get a local taxi (u all noe, the james bond advertisement with the tutu car, yeah, tat's the vehicle i am talking abt) and managed to get back to out hotel in one piece. and my mum was asleep (she bathed first) when i was done with my shower and as a result,, i din get to scold complain etc at her =(

day 2. morning we go to some interesting places, elephant farm where we took an elephant ride. Not the most pleasant of rides, but to be so close to nature is a welcome change for city breed me. The 1hr plus trip was "rocky"and fully of shit and urine (literally) the elephant we took was an emo fella, he took a hilly path which is away from the rest of the group. Make side visits to catch a few bites of vege, and even went to a nearby river to drink -_-. that visit ended with a show where it show cases elephants drawing, building and playing the soccer. ironically, the made up penalty shootout between france and italy ended in 1-0 in favour of italy. haha talking about ominous. perhaps these elephants knew the outcome aredi =x we had lunch and visited a temple (atop a hill, nice air , nice scenery). a brief note on the temple, it has an inclined elevator of abt 30 degree to ferry ppl up and down. costing a nominal fee to take the lift.. haha (if u did read the mrbrown column on today b4 he got suspended u will get the joke). the temple itself is supposed to have 302 steps (if memory serves me well) making it abt a 15storey high HDB flat. oh ya, after these trips we went back to the hotel for dinner and supposedly to rest for the next day (as we are supposed to wake up veri early, at abt 0530 in themorning) However, as with most girl.. my mum included, she insisted to go to the nite bazaar again... saying she din managed to see all of it. Well at least this time we start of from our hotel and hence i cld see and make our pathes as we explore the nite bazaar. bought quite a bit of clothes, esp my mum... but was ripped off by quite a bit as we will find out on the 4th day.

day 3 - Chiang Rai tour (the first 2 and the last 2 days are at chiang mai)
to say chiang rai tour will probably give u an impression that the whole day is touring arnd chiang rai and some time on the bus.. but unfortunately, this is not the case. we were supposed to set off at 7am and be back at 8pm. it din started well as we left our camera in the room and the mini bus has to uturn to get our camera, making us a bit late.. we left at arnd 0720 or so... the journey to chiang rai from chiang mai take 4hr plus.. we reached there and took a look a various tribes there from the longneck karen tribe to some other mae dono wat tribes... oh ya it was drizzling and we tredded in mass mud.. i had the "honor" to assist cleaning my mum shoes.. lol altho it was a voluntary effort. One thing to note that, these ppl seems to be living in poverty... makes me feel rich and blessed. Haha next we had lunch at a simple restaurant overseeing the river dividing myanmar, thailand and laos (which form the golden triangle for those ppl who dun no) which a small section of housefly trying to find holes to penetrate our food defence. After tat which we took an optional tour to laos part to do a bit of shopping. the cigarette there is DAMN CHEAP... and it is 50 bahts for 1 carton... 50 bahts is like 2dollar plus as the xchange rate tat time is 1sgd to 23.7bahts.. we den have a short foto taking session at the nearby area before visiting a places, namely, the rare stone/jade factory, which i bought a cheap souvenir for a fren, the Shiniwatra silk factory (tat is the Thai PM family business, PM Thaksin Shiniwatra, sounds familiar?) cashew nuts and standard localies shop and oso the orchid farm and butterfly park. (i forget to mention, every where we stop, my mum will never fail to shop and be the LAST one to leave while MAKING EVERYONE TO WAIT FOR HER) damn, i feel so evil saying those stuff tat way... but hey, it's the truth and i feel veri awkward. This nite we went to the nite bazaar again, and due to the poor food quality we had all these days, and a abnormally bland dinner, we bought some good stuff from the local food store. Bought grilled fish, deepfried prawns and mixed seafood omelette which we find to be the tastiest stuff we ate throughout the trip.

day 4 - supposed to be a half day event but somehow the tourguide pushed everything to the first 3 and promoted an optional tour, which we din buy it. We went to the day mkt instead, my mum happily went shopping again while i was the unwilling packmule waiting for her. there was even one of this buddhist shop, where i stood like a log for at least and hr waiting for her to finish getting her stuff.. not her fault actually, is theshop efficiency jinjia low... cannot makie it. We bought loads of stuff, mainly clothes and buddhist accessories. buy and buy and buy until noon, where we met for lunch to eat.. den... we went BACK AGAIN TO BUY AND BUY AND BUY... nabeh.. poor me... buy until evening, we visit the nite bazaar for food... haah no more buying.. cuz the nite bazaar stuff is damn expensive, up to 250% mark up.. even if u haggle, u wun get a price better than the day market. So if u wanna buy stuff, go day mkt, no need haggle much, good price, plus u get to shop in the morning, safer... haha oh ya, oso went to the super mkt at the central airport plaza (or issit shopping centre) to buy some stuff as well. and ALOT OF FRUITS, from lychee to durian to custard apple to pomelo, etc etc.

day 5 - last day, managed to persuade my mum to shop less, we went to the day mkt again, to finish up watever shopping tat needs to be done, haha not much, juz some clothes for my bro and a monk's outfit as a gift for a local (singapore i mean) monk. check out at 2pm, sit like a kuku until 4pm, take bus to airport, settle boarding pass etc etc, by 440pm, den sit like a cock until 2230 (note this is thai time, which is 1 hr "slower" den singapore) den take plane back to singapore.

p.s. i was having headache for the first 2nd and third day. namely first day evening, 2nd day whole day and third day morning.. >.< SO WITH A TRIP LIDDAT, HOW CAN IT BE ENJOYABLE FOR ME... the last day of sitting like a cock for more den 8hrs is like.. nabeh cb.. tmd knn.. etc etc

3. booties/loots/treasure from the adventure

i bought

clothings
3x tshirt
3x 3 quarter pants
1x jeans
2x shirts

souvenirs
2x notebook make of elephant dung paper.. haha no worries, no stench
some complimentary free gifts from buiying stuff at the elephant camp
1x jade elephant handphone thingy
1x small neck sling pouch
1x wooden frog

food/drinks
4x methos chewing gums (and i tot they were sweets 0_0)
1x absolut vodka1x pork floss
1x dry longan
1x friedpig dono wat (i think is skin)
1x thin fried pig dono wat (i realli dono wat)
1x mixed black white sesame dono wat
5x bags of cuttlefish (1 to my mum, 1 to my dad, 1 to my dad's fren, and only 2 for me =( haha)

(stuff for my dad)
2x pork floss
2x thin fried pig dono wat
2x dried longan, bigger den mine, haah
2x cuttlefish

misc
calculator

4. experience gain/level up?

dun go with my mum to such places again.. i will shorten my life span i think

Pros, aka the goodie good good parts

1. coming close to nature
2. looking at scenes of developing places, ie.. old singapore
3. i brought 4k thai baht(abt 170 sgd), i bought stuff worth perhaps up to 250 - 300 sgd (rest my mum pay)
4. free lodging, food and accomodation for 5 days

Cons, aka fucked up parts of the trip

many.. damn many.. super many.. main thing is boring, excessive shopping, excessive test of patience and tolerance, excessive carrying (now i pity pack mules), and the worst part.. flight delay. actually there is another one , f-up tour guide, right now i think my mum is complainin, out package was alter without out knowledge and we oso had stuff not visited and money charged for "extra" sightseeing which werent really extra as it is in our package.... wtf...

conclusion

will most likely not go chiang mai with my mum again
will most likely not go to namho travel agency next time
will most likely faint due to excess exhaustion in writing all this stuff.. haha

resolutions

2006-07-04T06:16:00.000+08:00

i noe i noe, it's not new year or wat, but i do have a set of resolutions i would hope to keep up from now on...

1. stop all bad habits (those tat i consider myself as bad habits)
2. stop giving in to the small lil devil to do things i shouldn't be doing
3. monitor my financial situation more closely
4. run and eat healthily
5. run more and eat healthily
6. run even more and eat healthily

haha...

hmm, what is this world coming to?

2006-07-03T21:24:00.000+08:00

gy... some guys did it again, the lites are finally back and at 2118, so dude did some shit to get the lites down again,... tmd... why does this has to happen...

oh ya,, and happened to read mb blog for leisure today, only to get rather irritated and disappointed... i do admit tat his column to an extend carries a sarcastic tone in it, and i dun realli wan to get into what is right and what is wrong in this case. As a lot of us noe, everyone of us has our own bits of truth. so it is not wise to start an argument on whose truth is truer. Rather, i am extremely disappointed with the reply that was sent to him... that reply letter is realli rude as well as ineffective(perhaps effective in other ways)... read it urself and u will most likely understand. I dearly hope that a more diplomatic method can be utilised.

Regarding the Truth and truths .. haha.. my understanding of it is that is something call the TRUTH.. one big truth out there, all of us have our little pieces of truth. All this small pieces of truth are but fragments of the entire Truth, hence this is why sometimes the small piece of truth compliment each other and sometimes they oppose each other. Think of it this way, (for lack of a better example), consider the statement, "Eggs are Good". is this statement the truth? to some it may be, but for those who has too high a level of cholestrol will most likely beg to differ. So how? most of us will be able to see that the truth is tat eggs are good anot depends on the situation, but the prob is, in real life, this is not as easy as the abovementioned example.

There are further complications, like.. mixture of truth and falsehood, etc etc but i shd not continue, haah this are mostly brainless ramblings of what i thought during my free time haha.. u may or may not agree.. it doesnt realli matters to me anyway.. so dun comment and flame me etc etc....

hmmm juz to remind myself, remember to buy
1. Super thin roasted pork
2. Pork floss stick
3. dried longan

2sets of each from my trip to Thailand.. haha

interesting (to me) stuff

2006-07-02T19:46:00.000+08:00

today, on my way back from JP to hall, saw this 2 brothers come onto the bus... upper deck in a 179 bus to NTU. Nothing abnormal except they are exceptionally loud... and both are botak... veri cute botak tat kind... i tot they were alone.. but... after like a minute or so... another botak adult man came up the upper deck.. and sit beside those 2 small botaks.. imagine... 2 small botak + 1 big botak cramp at the first seat in the upper deck of a bus... and oh ya.. the adult botak was taking a float... haha the 2 small botaks were busily engaging themselves in idle banters... haha, juz an interesting sight to me... wanted to take photo.. but quality no good.. so.. to bad...

p.s. i am not biased against BOTAKS or wat.. haha juz 3 identical botak head in front of me is kinda.. cute.. haha

on the other hand.. dunno which bugger do wat !%!#@ cause the power to fail for 2 of my lights in my room.. and best part... it seems they didnt call the maintenance guy.. gy.. i shall not call either... been calling alot of time le.. den they come will have that white piece of paper.. ask u room number etc etc.. (new contractor i not sure, was tat way for the old ones) and i dun wan to be the top list for maintenance request !$%!^$!%

argh....

eh price list

2006-06-26T04:48:00.000+08:00

this is a link u can get price list for a number of com shops in SG...

http://sg.hardwarezone.com/priceguide/download.php

quite a number of shops have their price list posted.. eg.. fuwell, dat, pc theme, etc

trivial

2006-06-26T04:46:00.000+08:00

haha suddenly pop into my mind, for those who know who is razor ramon sumitami, HARD GAY (pardon me if the spelling is wrong), he was voted the number 1 celebrity in Japan that...... PARENT DUN WAN THEY CHILDREN TO SEE AND MAKE AN EXAMPLE OF.. haha rofl... for those who dono, he is NOT a gay, haha, juz a pretended one...

com fixing

2006-06-26T04:31:00.000+08:00

heh, juz finish fixing a com for my bro, it's hardwork.. but nevertheless, an achievement. Esp we managed to do it with only one.. yes 1, trip to sim lim.. haha many thx to my frenz, esp stan whom i took reference from, base on mobo, chip and monitor information.
Well below is the specs i took, it's definitely not the best, but might be a good gauge for ppl who wanna buy a reasonable com for decent purposes...

Abit KN8 Ultra nf4 S-raid/PCI-EGBE/FW/7CH
AMD 64 3500+
1gig Kingston ram
Westin Digital 250gig SATA2 HDD
LG 17" monitor (cant rem the model)
Cooler Master 430W PSU
Xpertvision x1600pro 128MB DDR3 TD (high mid range card only)
LG GSA H10N dvd-rw
some casing my bro chose
keyboard/mouse/speaker > budget prob.. haha

it's not the best com out there, but it is of decent specs to play all games with.. eh.. correction
if u are interested in ES 4, Oblivion, then perhaps u will wan to get a slightly better vidcard as
well as meebe more ram... it shd be able to run Oblivion on medium settings though...

mmm will be recommending him to buy tat cheapo altec lansing speaker... 70 bucks or so.. perhaps get him to buy the logitect G dunno wat keyboard and perhaps G5 mouse.. haha then i can go home and use it to play game... (*scheming now*)

the only misgiving of that setup is perhaps the vid card.. to be high high end gaming machine, i would suggest a 2gig gam, 2gig pagesize, and perhaps nvidia 7900 gtx vidcard or ati x1900... x850 xt pe oso a good choice.. other then the fact it dun render HDR if i am not wrong.. haha
so much for my lengthy crap... all this kinda techie stuff can be found easily online... so i shd stop my blabbering here =X

interesting stuff

2006-06-26T04:29:00.000+08:00

been reading online blogs etc and find enjoyment listening to mrbrown's and my miyaki's podcast... realli does gimme something to do in a boring time like this...

f-up results

2006-06-21T10:40:00.000+08:00

die.. this sem result realli like sai...
max effort, least modules, lousiest grade... got A B+ B+ B+ B- B- B-...
sigh.. i believe i need to buck up from this sem on, if i happen to be greeted by a lot of B, B- and C+ next sem, i can realli kiss my 2nd upper honours good bye... sigh.. and i can realli live an easy life for the rest of my uni life... but tat's not wat i wan.. i aredi have a regret for not working hard for A levels, i do not wan such things to re occur.... wish me all the best man.. need to get arnd A- avg to get my 2nd upper.. sigh... troubled....

ideal girl?

2006-06-21T10:35:00.000+08:00

hmm, what is my kind of ideal girl, haha, here goes the long long list... hoooo

1. decent looking
2. have around comparable intellect with me
3. can take care of me
4. can support me emotionally
5. preferably, not too young or old, (ie.. within +-3years)
6. able to communicate with me, chemistry is VERY impt (using factors on 2,4,5 and others)
7. powerful
8. rich
9. powerful
10. super rich
11. super powerful
12. super rich
13. super powerful
14. .....

haha from 7 - 14 are all craps =P

but then, it does make me wonder, i am hardly interested by anything,
not interested in playing games
not interested in girls
NOT INTERESTED IN GUYS OR ANIMAL IN ANY WEIRD WAYS U ALL CAN THINK OF
NOT BBM DEFINITELY
not interested in studying
not interested in doing anything

what shd i do? living like this is basically wasting my life, letting it drip slowly to dryness.. argh...

shocking....

2006-06-21T10:32:00.000+08:00

Today morning, just reach hall from KS house after a game of hardcore mahjong, i receive news that a pri sch fren of mine died.... was extremely shock as the cause of his death apparently was suicide (will cfm later)... makes me wonder, how unpredictable life is... i have lose fren thru abroad studying, work/study barrier, sickness, etc, but never this... somehow it juz makes me feel like... life is realli so.... worth living with no regrets.. as such.. i shall... and will try my best to live my life to the best....

casting RESURRECTION on my blog... hooo

2006-06-21T10:31:00.000+08:00

today i shall resurrect this dormant (and perhaps dead) blog to live... !!

hmm... a day of chess

2005-11-30T03:14:00.000+08:00

today is a whole day of chess... chinese chess... morning (as in 12mn - 6++ am) i was playing online chess... after that 8++ i went for chess training.. listen to tay siang hock talk talk for 5hr liddat.. den play chess again.. play until 5++ lolz.. den reach hall concuss.. (ie.. sleep) 10++ wake up.. den play chess and some mind games until now... 3++... hmmm.. i tink i better cut down.. i am feeling veri tired from this...

anyway.. talking abt chess.. i think in order to improve further i need to start to K chess books.. sigh... sem period K modules... holiday K chess modules.. -_-!! simi sai... but guess no choice.. to become stronger.. i must realli put in more effort ba.. but then.. hall stuff is making me quite sick... chinese chess training i am still quite fine cuz i can teach a bit... but international chess i cant.. and the rec ppl are like kinda pushing me to do it -_- simi sai.. 1 week 2 training per chess.. tat is 4 hall training per week.. wat kinda dapian is that -_-!!... furthermore the number of ppl turning up for training is pathetic... why bother?? sigh... somethings cant be forced de... yin yin train oso no pt.. cuz the standard too low le.. how to compare x_x
sigh....

p.s. my mindless rambling.. dun care too much.. haha

hmmm another day has passed

2005-11-29T04:34:00.000+08:00

nothing much happened.. pei KS watch harry potter.. din realli want to watch, but since he alone watching den i got GV movie pass.. why not.. haha
i machiam those mountain tortoise, buy lots of food inside munch munch... got fried sotong from old chang kee... cheesy dogs, nacho, drinks, etc etc.. the s2pid show start late.. 2130 show hor, end up 2145 den start and by then my food 90% gone.. lolz.. but the show wasnt bad la.. pretty interesting...
however it ended at 0010 = no bus... lucky ks take cab.. den i take free cab.. i realise the cab fare is abt 30% at 0030 or so... cuz i remember the fare is 2.40 plus 85ct.. haha anyway.. like i say
nothing much happened... so nothing much to write.. maybe got time n mood i add in some trivial and review on stuff i feel interested with.. till den.. i go ZzZZZ le.. tmr 0930 training =(
i am so going to die.. haha